Max's Entry

Introducing...

Maxwell Khalil Ahmad Raines

Born November 13, 2015

1:28 am

Bogota, Colombia

7.3 pounds 21 inches long

And oh so handsome!

In the days following Max’s birth I found myself wanting to linger in the details. While nursing him in those first few days, I would replay his birth in my mind and when Fuad and I had a few private moments when both boys were asleep, we would talk about his birth and how it felt to bring this life into the world.

It’s not really fair to compare the arrivals of my two sons, but it’s hard not to...For reference, you can read about Dylan’s birth story here.

Like Dylan, Max also took about 24 hours to exit the womb. He kept me waiting, not too long, but long enough, as his due date was November 7th. Since Dylan came 2 weeks early, I kept hoping Max would come early too, but he came at exactly 40 weeks, 6 days after his due date.

The first contractions came in the very early morning hours and felt so different from what I experienced with Dylan that I spent at least 30 minutes looking up the difference between Braxton Hicks contractions and the “real thing”. I spent the early morning hours experiencing these contractions by myself. I had been sleeping in Dylan’s bed because I was so uncomfortable and needed so many pillows. Eventually, I woke Fuad up to let him know...it’s happening!

I was in labor all day, with just a brief pause in the mid-morning. It felt like I labored all over, starting at home, then in my doctor’s office, then in the waiting area of the ER, in the restaurant where we had lunch, in the park, and finally in the delivery room.

Here's the Timeline: 
Around 3am Thursday, November 12th, contractions started.

Noon- I went to an appointment for fetal monitoring-results showed moderate contractions  3 minutes apart.

1:20 pm-Appointment with my OB (Ana Lucia)-exam shows I’m dilated 1 centimeter and she’s concerned that my blood pressure is high. She asks me to head to the ER (which is right across the street) for blood work and urine tests.

3:00 pm-left the ER to wait for the results (we were asked to come back in 2 hours). We had lunch and walked to the park.

5:00 pm Back to the ER. Everything looks fine with the tests, more fetal monitoring, we got checked into the hospital. Had a comical exchange with the pain guy, who was in total shock and surprised that I didn’t want any pain management.

7:00 pm -We finally make it up to our room, where our doula Isabel meets us and we get to work with labor. I think at this point we’re dilated 3 centimeters.

10:00 pm-Ana Lucia returns to check in, she’s off to deliver a c-section and will come back when she’s done.

11:00 pm-Ana Lucia checks in once more and fetal monitoring shows a potential problem. She explains her concern that the cord is potentially wrapped around his neck and she offers 2 solutions, that we deliver c-section or she ruptures the membrane (the water still hadn’t broke) to check that the fluid is clear. She gets a 2nd opinion from the ER Doc and he agrees. We decided to rupture the membrane, at this point I’m dilated 5 cm, the fluid turns out to be clear (thank goodness!) and I quickly begin to labor much faster! Within minutes I’m dilated to 7 centimeters, contractions are flowing one right into the next and all of the sudden I’m left alone to labor while my “team” leaves to change into scrubs for the delivery which will take place on a different floor in the OR.

Now I’m in heavy labor and we're moving beds, going downstairs in the hospital elevator where I'm placed in a common room with other women laboring while the OR is prepared.

I start to feel like I’m going to pass out...I’m super thirsty...At this point my husband says to me “I want to tell you that you’re a badass”, which makes me smile every time I think about it. Ana Lucia steps away to wash her hands and I feel the urge to push, I can feel his head coming out, they move me really fast (legs wide open for the world to see) I yell “he’s going back in!!!” We get to the OR, and in 2 quick pushes he’s out! I didn’t even get to move to the delivery bed until after the cord had been cut.

It turns out the cord was wrapped around his neck twice and was tangled up in his hands. He came out the most horrifying shade of purple, all the way down to his toes.

I delivered my son Max completely naturally, with no drugs involved, and I’m proud of that. It’s what I wanted. There is no experience like it in the world. In fact, writing this birth “story” I’m at a loss for words to truly describe the experience. It’s a flooding of sensation and waves of pain that result in the most expansive feeling of love you can imagine.

My husband says it over and over, the female body is amazing...the male body doesn’t do anything close to what a woman does while pregnant, and then through the labor process and then nursing.

I find myself wanting to linger in these early days of bliss, I'm falling in love all over again. This time around, I know what to expect, and I know that it does go fast. I especially love the moments when I’m nursing Max and Dylan wants to cuddle up next to us. It moves me to the point of tears. I want to box up those moments, for I know that far too soon, they will be teenagers.

Day 1, just about to leave the hospital

Dylan holding his new baby brother for the first time...

Final Days of 2nd Pregnancy...

I’m laying on my bed in our home getting a massage...35 weeks pregnant with son #2, my body begins to relax and surrender as Marta works her magic, then my mind begins turning.

I realize that I don’t often have time to let my mind turn and ponder, I begin to realize how different my mindset has been during this 2nd pregnancy. I'm so much more relaxed this time around. I lay there and take time to consider this question that I can’t seem to wrap my head around...how will it feel to love 2 sons? How will the arrival of Son #2 effect Dylan?

I’m not gonna lie, one of the reasons I wanted to have a 2nd child is because of my experience as an only child. I openly admit, there are certain aspects of my core personality that I attribute to being an only child.

How will I facilitate a healthy, loving sibling relationship when I have never experienced that myself? I have always had friends throughout my entire life that I would say I’ve loved like a brother or sister, but even as much as you can love a person in that way...there’s still essential elements missing...the experience of sharing parents, and memories of family events, and vacations and comfort food and so on and so on…

I look at Dylan, whom I completely adore and I can’t imagine loving another as much as I love him!
The final countdown is on! What an amazing life we live...I’m about to have my 2nd birth experience on a 2nd continent. More details to follow!

34 Weeks

34 Weeks 

Top, 35 Weeks pregnant with Dylan
Bottom, 34 Weeks pregnant with Son #2

Top, 35 Weeks pregnant with Dylan
Bottom, 34 Weeks pregnant with Son #2

Rooting Down

The blog Chiang Mai Chronicles became a sounding board and place for me to air out my process of becoming an ex-pat in Thailand...it's hard to believe that was over 3 years ago.
We have since moved on to a new continent, with a much easier process of acculturation...a more familiar language is spoken here & a more amicable climate are a few of the things that have made this move easier than the last. Not to mention, I've done it before. I have Thailand under my belt, I've lived half way around the world and experienced the homesickness and culture shock...and the reverse culture shock, now I know what to expect.  
The process of living abroad is still a process though...with new friends to be made and so much work to be done learning the language and although much, much closer, we are still a continent away from our home in the States. Sometimes it's a craving, a yearning, a deep need to go to that home almost as if to see if it still feels like home.
I want my son to know that place, I want him to grow up feeling comfortable calling the U.S. home...today, on his 2nd birthday I find myself nostalgic, reflective, wondering...where did the time go? How can it be so long that we've lived far away? I find myself asking the question if we're doing the right thing...his story is already complicated. Born in Thailand, growing up in Colombia, parents from 2 different cultures themselves, although both born in the States. How will these experiences shape him?
I find comfort in knowing that I'm not alone in my pondering of these questions. We've now joined the ranks of parents who desire the best for their children and hope that they are doing just that.
I want my son to be an open-minded citizen of the world, to be comfortable calling any place home, capable of forming and maintaining meaningful relationships. I want him to stand in awe and know his place in the world...to be grateful for his many blessings, as I am grateful for him.
I'd like to share an essay my husband recently wrote to his mother about his experience growing up moving around the world.

Depth vs Span

Fuad Ahmad

October 2014

“We should have let you have a girlfriend,” my mother says with a shrug, putting down her desert fork as she casually concedes one of the most disputed points of my contentious adolescent years. My brow furrows. Even years later, beneath my thin veneer of adulthood, deep simmering pools of unresolved teen angst still seethe. Hearing my mother unexpectedly admit the failures of the arbitrary laws she once willfully enforced triggers a wave of hormonal resentment. Are you serious?

We are deep into a post-meal conversation and my mother has begun parsing through her life’s regrets, giving free reign to hindsight’s perfect vision and offering up unsolicited prescriptions to remedy a past that my family has yet to come to terms with. As she eyes her three unsettled children gathered before her, all unmarried and in various states of personal and professional disarray, drifting through our twenties amidst confused career choices and a host of messy identity issues, she starts throwing out increasingly bizarre mea culpas in an attempt to diagnose and fix our current issues.

“We shouldn’t have moved you so much,” she says next, leaning back from the dining table and shaking her head with pursed lips and a remorseful expression on her face. While I’m perfectly content to reimagine my teen years consorting with a bevy of foxy girlfriends, willfully overlooking how gameless, broke, and riddled with insecurities I was throughout that awkward chapter of my life, this last statement goes too far. Of all the debatable decisions my parents made regarding how to raise me, moving me repeatedly across the planet is something I’m profoundly grateful to them for.

I cannot imagine my life if my parents had never uprooted me. From campus to campus and country to country, I’ve crossed the world countless times, acquiring essential pieces of myself all along the way. After spending time in almost 40 countries, I’ve become a tapestry of widely disparate experiences, a motley quilt of overlapping cultures straining at uneasy seams. I can see how my mother, looking at the unconventional trajectory of my life, felt inclined to second guess the decisions she made that produced this gypsy man-child sitting before her. But her worries were misplaced. Some of us are not meant to fit neatly into the tidy and predictable niches carved out by nationalism, faiths, and the allegiances we inherit. We are not square pegs in round holes so much as we are shape-shifting nomads whose identities are fluid constructs constantly morphing to meet the demands of new environments. This is a questionable path to those who lack the imagination to grasp the freedom in upheaval, and the liberation that comes from leaving safe and familiar loyalties behind. Some of us are born to wander. We are lucky enough to finally live in a curated age, where our identities can be assembled from eclectic bits; we can choose to be so much more than just our origins.

But this wasn’t always clear to me. When I was younger, the need to belong ruled supreme, and when I looked around and then at myself I always found my life wanting. I was surrounded by people who were seamlessly integrated into their communities in a way I wasn’t, and they had strong foundations and support systems in place to nurture their growth and protect their interests. They seemed primed for success. I, on the other hand, was on the outside looking in.

In high school I came across an essay written by Sister Nivedita, a 19^th-century European transplant who become one of the most revered and influential devotees of Swami Vivekenanda. A line from her pamphlet leapt out at me: “Only the tree that is firmly rooted in its native soil can bear the richest fruit.”  Would my makeshift roots suffice? For many years I sought out the kind of anchored permanence I thought Sister Nivedita was talking about. It took a decade for me to realize that while some lives thrive when tethered to a single place or state of mind, some of us are also wired differently.

In my mid-twenties I discovered the prolific work of Ken Wilbur, whose writings provided a coherent framework for how I see the world. In his work, he explores the dichotomy of depth versus span as it relates to your character. Depth describes the level and quality of your understanding of any given community, place, or subject. Span, on the other hand, is about the horizontal breadth of your life and consciousness; it conveys the scope of your experience. This dichotomy resonated with me, as it elegantly captures the struggle of trying to traverse the world while still cultivating deep relationships with people and communities. Although I’ve traveled widely, many of my experiences in the places I’ve visited have been superficial. I struggle to commit and I uproot with ease. I am less a stately tree, destined to loom large over any single place, as I am a dandelion, scattering my spores over vast distances and carried by the wind to points unknown. Coming to terms with this has helped me dispense with the desire to be something I’m not. I still strive to develop a life of depth that bears rich fruit, but I’ve made peace with the limitations inherent in my own choices.

In my son’s nursery in our home in Thailand, our friend Liz Wendler painted a glorious banyon tree against a sky-blue background that loomed large on the wall over Dylan’s crib. As his eyes grew more focused over the first few months of his life, we noted how absorbed he would get while lying in his crib and gazing upwards at the tree’s magnificent gnarled posture, with leaves and vines reaching upwards to greet the sun. Later when he began to walk, he’d meander over to the wall and trace his little fingers over the tree’s lower half, his hands following the broad and expansive root system that dug downwards and branched out in myriad crooked directions. 

These are the kinds of roots I want my son to have. I want him to grow up with countless connections to the earth, embedded in many different realities, and drawing strength from every place the tentacles of his consciousness have touched down. In his first two years he’s already been to 7 countries on 4 continents, and he speaks fragments of 3 different languages. As I watch my mother coo at him from a world away through a computer screen, I hope that she understands how Dylan’s life validates the choices she made with her own kids. I’m trying to give my son the opportunities and advantages that only travel can provide. I want him to have a life of scope and consequence, unhindered by borders and broadened by life experiences that challenge common convictions. I want him to build on the kind of life I’ve had. For many years I struggled coming to terms with my role in a lineage that seems destined to drift. I look forward to the day when I can explain to my son both the joy of putting down roots and the transformative, liberating power of being able to pull them up again in search for more nourishing earth. 

Dylan Jai turns 2...really???

How can it be possible that Dylan is turning 2 years old? The amount of growth and change that has occurred in our son during his 2nd year is amazing.
Dylan now weighs around 25 pounds and has recently had a growth spurt, so I'm not sure how tall he is...he has recently (like in the past 3 weeks) started talking non-stop and has a strong beginning vocabulary that focuses mostly on modes of transportation with TRAIN! at the top of the list. He speaks somewhere around 60 words.
Dylan learned to walk shortly after his first birthday, he was 13 months old and this changed our lives, there was no holding this kid back! These days he prefers to run and boy is he fast! Sometimes we have to break out in a jog to keep up with him. He runs everywhere. Dylan is experiences the world in a physical way. His motor skills are very developed for his age, he climbs up and down stairs without holding on, he jumps with 2 feet, he climbs like a monkey and loves hanging from trees and doing somersaults.
Dylan enjoys reading books before naps and bedtime and sometimes falls asleep clutching his favorite read of the evening.
Dylan is most excited by "Mas" or Thomas, as in "the train"...he has a wooden train track set that he plays with everyday for long periods of time. He also loves watching Thomas shows.

He has become more of a finicky eater lately, with rice, pesto pasta and crackers being some of the only foods he eats consistently.
Dylan is has now traveled to 7 countries and has been exposed to 3 languages (which is uses bits from all 3...he still uses the Thai word for cat).
In his 2nd year he visited the U.S., moved to Colombia, and was a tourist in both Vietnam & Guatemala. He makes friends with adults wherever he goes and I've even seen him flirt with ladies!

Dylan is a very active and spirited child, and he keeps Fuad and I on our toes. We've thrown a lot at this kid in his short life of 2 years...He is the light of my life, I simply adore my son.

A few picture highlights from the year...

Ha Long Bay, Vietnam April 2014 (one of my all time favorite pictures)

Hot Season in Chiang Mai with his friend, Tan April 2014

Dylan said good bye to his beloved Bo in Chiang Mai, June, 2014

Dylan with his Thai family, saying goodbye in Chiang Mai, June 2014

Arrival in Bogota, Colombia July 2014

Lake Atitlan, Guatemala December 2014

With Ian, our Godson, in Boston, January 2015

With Ian and Megan in Boston, January, 2015

Counting Elephants with Ian, Boston, January 2015

Family picture for Dylan's 2nd birthday, Bogota, Colombia

Bogota Arrival

This blog post is so long overdue I don’t even know where to start!

Our arrival in Bogota was such a whirlwind..the last minute packing that is always stressful and time consuming...Only people living abroad truly know what this is like. Packing in as much as you can while staying within the weight limits involves packing and re-packing and most of the time, taking things out.

But we made it, 7 suitcases, 1 guitar, 3 carry-on’s, and a stroller (which we’ve only used once since being here, go figure). Baxter didn’t make the flight with us because of a pet embargo on Delta Airlines, it’s just too hot in the summer months to put a pet under the plane. (Although he did leave Thailand with us...average temperature around 95 F at the time).

We arrived in Bogota on a flight that held most of the new crew arriving at CNG, most of us didn’t meet until we arrived and had picked up our luggage, but it was an exciting way to come in. The HR folks from CNG had their whole crew there to pick us up, take care of our luggage and escort us off to a hotel for the night.

There are so many details about our arrival that made it feel like CNG rolled out the red carpet for us newcomers, more than I can really share here, but here are a few of the details that stand out…

They took our luggage upon arrival and delivered it directly to our new apartment. You heavy travelers know how horrible it is to load and unload heavy bags, this was so nice to arrive at our new home without being burdened down with bags. Not only was the apartment fully furnished, complete with towel and bedsheets, they also include groceries, the staples, sugar, salt, coffee and starter meal of pasta and red sauce. It was so thoughtful and nice.

The day after we arrived they escorted us to campus where all the service providers we would need were all in one room ready for us to sign up. Within a span of a few hours, we had signed up for cell service, internet, Direct TV, bank accounts opened...I had signed our insurance & pension papers, we all got a blood test (even Dylan), fingers scanned for security at the school. It was so organized and convenient! AND we didn’t have to pay a single peso, we were signed on for these new services on the reputation of the school. We were also given our “settling in” allowance, the equivalent of $500 cash and another $1,000 on a debit card!

Over the first few days we taken to get our Colombian ID, shopping, we were treated to fabulous meals...during these first few days we realized that Dylan was sick. He had a fever and started getting blisters on his hands...he had hand foot mouth! I was horrified that he was sick and had been interacting with some of the kids who had also arrived with us. We kept him quarantined in our apartment until we knew he was better, but 2 days later I also got sick! I ended up with strep throat within the first week of our arrival and got to experience the doctor house call. Apparently it only costs about $12.50 for the doctor to come to your house. It was really convenient. I was so sad to miss the entire first week of orientation with my fellow new colleagues, but I had a full recovery and was ready to start school the following Monday with the returning staff.

This place is fabulous. I love my new school, everyone is so super friendly it almost seems unreal. Teachers from CNG who also live in our building came by and introduced themselves, people go out of their way to help you and it’s so refreshing. Everyone genuinely seems happy to be here.

We’re settling in...the weather is fantastic! Everyday has a little bit of rain and clouds mixed with some sunshine. The landscape is beautiful, the mountains, the crisp air on the school campus, the views are refreshing and because our apartment faces west, we get to watch the sun dip down behind the mountains in the distance as the city simultaneously begins to twinkle it’s night lights.

Dylan has a nanny and started daycare today, Fuad has been diving right in to learning Spanish, and I’ve just spent the last 3 days teaching my first classes.

This is going to be a good chapter, I know it already.  

The famers market just down the street from our apartmet

Our building

Dylan loves all the new parks to explore, this one is right outside of my classroom.

   

Can Chiang Mai really be over?

The exit came and went so fast...the last 48 hours in Chiang Mai are a blur, and even though I thought I was prepared there were still so many last minute details to take care of.

It was dark as our caravan of 3 cars pulled away from the Palm House (our home for the past 2 years in CM) and I finally broke into tears as my friend Sara bore silent witness to this emotional moment.
3 years come and gone...our son born, friendships blossomed, countless new experiences...

I find myself drawn to reading blogs like this and this on repatriation and transitioning out of your living situation abroad.
*YET*
We're not really repatriating...are we? No, we're here in the States for about a month before heading on to our next adventure. We left with all of our belongings in 7 suitcases (the rest of our stuff was packed up and shipped in May) and my mind *knows* that we're not returning to CM. My mind *knows* that we're not staying here...it's so hard to describe how heavy my heart feels for CM. And the clock is ticking as we make the biggest transition of our lives.
Now that the jet lag has left the room, I do feel more present here, but I find myself having to practice grace in so many of my interactions. Like I read about in this blog post, excerpted below...

Tip #10:  Grace – Give it Freely and Keep Some for Yourself

• When someone says, “you lived in Japan?  My neighbor is Korean.”  Give her some grace.
• When someone says, “you lived in Germany?  Heil Hitler!”  Give him some grace.
• When someone says, “you lived in China?  Oh my gosh, were you persecuted?”  Grace.
• When someone says, “you lived in Africa? That is so cool, say something in African.”  Grace.
• When no one says anything, and you really wish they would.  Grace.
• When you snap, or cry, or crawl into a hole . . . it’s for you too . . . Give yourself some grace.
• Landing is hard . . . sometimes because it was supposed to be easy.  As you leave and after you land grace is key.

I recognize that we are living a life that not too many people can relate to. Having one of these experiences of living abroad is the experience of a lifetime. We're about to embark on our second great adventure, and so I am reminded again of how blessed I am.  I am grateful. I am grateful that I have the experience and skills that allow me to work in a school like CMIS (Chiang Mai International School, where I have just spent the past 3 years) and at CNG (Colegio Nueva Granada, where I will work in Bogota). I'm grateful that my son is making connections all over the world. I'm grateful that we get to explore a new continent, and that exploration begins in just a few short weeks!

In a previous post I listed the top 10 things I would NOT miss about CM, but now that the experience of living in Chiang Mai is in the past, and I can look back on it, I need to share my top 10 list of the things I WILL miss.

The Top 10 List of Things I WILL Miss About Living in Chiang Mai (in no particular order)
10.) Pedicure: $10
9.) Thai massage: $10 for an hour
8.) the butt hose (a bidet spray attached to every toilet)
7.) Coconut water direct from the source
6.) Driving Perry, our scooter
5.) Mango Sticky Rice!!!
4.) Living in a giant house with a giant yard
3.) Monk sightings
2.) Teaching yoga in my home
1.) Friends

P.S. Stayed tuned friends, for a new blog will begin soon! Our adventures in Bogota will be documented on a new site soon to launch.

It's time to say goodbye...

Thank you Chiang Mai!
It was such a blessing to teach at CMIS! This job came at a time when I was experiencing some pretty heavy burn out. Making the shift to teaching in the International School setting has renewed my love of teaching, obstacles were removed and I was able to accomplish so much more with my students.
CMIS became a safe haven for my son to experience life as he grew to know all of the staff. I feel confident to say they love him like family and for that I am eternally grateful...

Thank you Chiang Mai!
For being the conception and birthplace of our son Dylan Jai, whose name will forever reflect a connection to his first home.

Thank you Chiang Mai!
For the friends we made who have become part of our global family...

Thank you for the countless lessons learned about the process of living as a foreigner.

We were honored to host a slew of folks in our home and connect with people from our neck of the woods. We shared meals, yoga classes and the comfort of American conversation (among other things).
Neela
Mark & Erica
Nico & Rachara
Mike & Keely
Mom & Dad
Heather
Madeline & Mike
Bessa & Solomon
Paul and Catalina and the Blue Lotus Massage School Crew
Adam
Aurora & Kevin
Jake & Alley
Catherine
Carolyn

We saw amazing places during our time in this corner of the world (I wish it was more!)

Hawaii (December 2011)

Sri Lanka (April 2012)

Cambodia (April 2012)

Singapore (October 2013)

Australia (August 2013)

Vietnam (April 2014)

Pai (January 2012)

Koh Samui (October 2011)

Phuket (October 2012)

Sukothai (April 2013)

Chiang Dao (February 2012)

Chiang Rai (February 2014)

Top 10 Things I Will NOT Miss About Living in Thailand

My husband has been compiling a list of the top *500* (it may be a bit ambitious...) things he will miss about living in Thailand.
Here are a few samples...
#397 of 500 things I'll miss about living in Thailand (in no particular order):
People Sleeping in Public = Laid Back Living
When Becky and I first got here, we kept coming across people in our old moo ban asleep in totally random, often hilarious places. I'm not a fan of making broad, sweeping generalisations, but I find myself agreeing with the author of this blogpost, who writes the following:
"If there were a contest who could sleep the easiest and in the most unusual places, I think the Thais would win hands down….I have seen many people sleep on their (parked) motorcycles, and I have seen a number of co-riders asleep while the bike was in full motion in traffic."
I'm a firm believer that the world would be a much better place if more people took naps. 

#401 of 500 things I'll miss about living in Thailand (in no particular order):
Lemongrass Tea
We have huge clumps of lemongrass growing in our yard, which we use to cook with and occasionally to make lemongrass tea. Becky makes these neat little bundles of dried lemongrass stalks that you can stick in a pitcher of hot water, which you then leave in the fridge, to make cool, refreshing lemongrass tea. Making tea from the plants growing next to your house is pretty awesome.

#405 of 500 things I'll miss about living in Thailand (in no particular order):
Front Yard Lychees
Today one of our neighbours was cutting lychees off a tree in her yard and as we were passing by she handed us a fresh bunch to take home. There's nothing like fruit freshly harvested from a tree a few meters from your house. Those lychees were pretty fantastic, and it's nice to have someone hand you fresh fruit as a gift.

#409 of 500 things I'll miss about living in Thailand (in no particular order):
Khao Soi - Chiang Mai's Signature Noodles
Khao Soi embodies Golden Triangle cuisine; it's a result of multiple cultures adding elements to a dish and blending flavours till all the individual ingredients add up to something sublime. There are Thai, Burmese, Malaysian, Shan, and Laotians aspects to this dish… Egg noodles swim in a savoury soup base, with coconut milk added judiciously, and then depending on what kind of Khao Soi you order, either chicken, pork, beef, seafood, or vegetables serve as the main element in the bowl. On top of that, you add crunchy fried noodles, pieces of pickled cabbage, shallots, roasted chilies to taste, and a squeeze of lime. It's a taste explosion! We were told upon arrival that "you haven't been to Chiang Mai till you've had Khao Soi." We promptly dived into a bowl and have yet to find our way out. This is very high on my list of favourite Thai foods.

#428 of 500 things I'll miss about living in Thailand (in no particular order):
Lunch Hour @ My Office
My coworkers in Bangkok actually take time to eat together outside the office everyday for lunch. After spending many years in the states eating my lunch alone in a sad cubicle while staring at my computer screen, it's really refreshing to be a part of an office community that actually shares meals together and enjoys each other's company. The agency actually stops working for lunch. I think that's amazing, and people actively invite you to eat with them. It's nice to eat lunch with friends and not talk about work.

Of course I have many, maybe even a hundred things, that I will absolutely miss about living in Thailand. However, for today I'd like to share my top 10 things (in no particular order) of things I will NOT miss about living in Thailand. This is not intended to be Thailand bashing, just a simple list of things that frustrate me about living here.

1.) Noise pollution-Aside from HaNoi, Vietnam (the loudest place I've been too) Chiang Mai is right up there...There is constant noise, from the moving trucks advertising Muay Thai boxing matches, to the constant rumble of tuk tuk's, to the neighborhoods that have loud speakers and make weekly announcements at the crack of dawn on the weekends...on the positive side, no one honks here, everyone is too polite!

2.) Moments of awkward laughing & smiles due to cultural differences and language barriers-Thailand is indeed the "Land of Smiles" 3 years living here have taught me that the smile reigns above all else, smiles and giggles are openly shared at even seemingly (from a western viewpoint) inappropriate moments. If they have no idea what you are trying to say (whether in Thai, because of poor pronunciation or in English) giggles & smiles. If someone gets into an accident, giggles & smiles (we saw this first hand our first week here). The job didn't get done as it should have, mistakes made...you guessed it, giggles & smiles.

3.)Toilet paper in the trash rather then in the toilet-Not too much to say here, it's a 700 hundred year old city, most places around (including our own home) don't allow paper in the toilet.

4.) Geckos shocking me, as they like to hide behind and under stuff in the kitchen-I'm glad they are around doing mosquito duty, but they are so jumpy!

5.) Traffic/Driving with no rules-A few days a week I'm confronted with cars driving on my green light down the wrong side of the road in order to make their turn. In these moments I become the raging farang (foreigner) honking my horn and refusing to offer a polite smile.

6.) Hot season-You can't go outside because it feels like you will melt. I'm not kidding. I have felt like my face was on fire from just a few minutes outside, in the SHADE! 100+ degree temperatures for days on end.

7.) Pollution season-You can't do outside because your eyes burn and it feels like you're breathing smoke (because you are).

8.) The change over from hot season to rainy season-think high 90 degree temp's with 100% humidity. When you get out of the cold shower you immediately start sweating.

9.) The insanely high cost of cheese-It's ridiculous. I miss eating cheese on a regular basis.

10.) "For you, BIG size." -Honestly, I'm not running into this phrase as often now that I've lost all the baby weight, but occasionally I still get it...it doesn't matter if you're a size 0, if you're farang, to the Thai perspective you require a BIG size. Truth be told, the potential for being told "for you, BIG size" has made me avoid certain shopping situations.

Amped Up...

These days I'm carrying such a high voltage emotional charge I can't even stand myself lately. It's strange what preparing to leave a place does to you. In this case it's so bittersweet. The job, the people, the place...all serving their purpose in my life, helping me to grow and expand, and in some ways causing me to contract. 3 years is a fair amount of time to put down roots, granted these roots don't penetrate deeply into this corner of the world, but they touch down, this will always be the birthplace of our son, which will someday make the question "where are you from?" difficult for him to answer...(check out TCK here)

Preparing to leave Chiang Mai doesn't feel anything like when we left Chicago, where we had both lived for over a decade. But it still stings...and at the same time feels glorious. I remember feeling so liberated when we left Chicago, because it meant that I could. It meant that I wasn't overly attached to anything there that kept me from exploring another part of the world. There are so many people who crave change, crave living somewhere else, crave something new & different but never do it. They feel so bogged down with the "stuff"...not just material things, but emotional baggage and codependent relationships, the thought of leaving overwhelms them. 

The sweetness? What we have to look forward to...first a visit back home! I can't wait to take Dylan to Silver Beach this summer! He loves being outside, he loves water, he loves exploring and playing in the sand and it's going to be so much fun! I'm also excited to connect with family and friends!

Then, onto our new adventure in Bogota. The work, the new living situation (back into a apartment after 2 years in this gigantic 5 bedroom teak house), a COOLER climate (yippee) are all changes I'm looking forward to. 

But packing, and working, and mothering and preparing to say goodbyes, it really takes a lot out of you, so there's that emotional charge...and right now when I should be getting ready to go to sleep, I'm here writing these feelings because it seems to help. In a lot of ways Chiang Mai has been a tremendous gift...my process in transitioning to life here has been difficult and as a result I've grown, and questioned and I feel more prepared for our transition to Bogota.

Where we go from here...

It's been awhile...During the past few months it's been difficult for me to find the time to sit down and write. Since the very beginning of our Chiang Mai blog I've tried to approach what I share with a sense of transparency, but during the past few months, it's been a little difficult for both Fuad & I to completely live out loud.
To be perfectly honest, I can't share it all anymore...the process of becoming an ex-pat, living & working & raising our child abroad has changed me too much. I feel reserved in sharing it all for fear of...well, revealing how different my thought process has become over the past 3 years.

We've had some big decisions to make because after a lot of soul searching, countless conversations and independent reflection, we came to the conclusion that our set up here in Chiang Mai isn't ideal for our family. That's not to say that anything is wrong with Chiang Mai...or Thailand...it mostly has to do with Fuad working in Bangkok, but it also has to do with (mostly me) wanting to be closer to our other home (the one in America) where our beloved family and cherished friends call home.

So for the first time in my life I resigned from my current job before securing a new one. Which felt like a huge risk for me. Then I searched and searched for the right angle to see things, weighing our needs with our desires, along with our potential options and decided to throw my hat into the ring of the international school hiring season. I decided that if I didn't at least try for a position, I would regret it. We had 2 goals: 1) For Fuad and I to live and work in the same city. 2) To be closer to our home (in America).
I applied to about 4 schools...and after a very long and thorough interview process I was offered an elementary music position in Bogota, Colombia! So after 3 years here in CM, we find ourselves packing up and once again going through the process of shedding stuff and preparing for some cooler temperatures! Yay!
Why Colombia? Why not? The list is so long...starting with the school which is well established & respected, and the pay and benefits are excellent. Plus we'll be living in the same time zone as our folks back home. I am so ready to live outside of Asia and in some cooler temperatures, and the journey home is a lot shorter than 24 hours!
I understand that some people don't get it...but there are plenty of people who do.
I can't pass up an opportunity to live and work on yet another continent. If my experience and qualifications allow me this, I'm going to do it. I can't pass up the potential for my son to one day attend an international school practically for free. Our son will be bilingual (he already understands and speaks a few Thai words) and will occupy a place in the world that I can hardly even fathom.
So...we enter a new phase, a new chapter, maybe even a different novel, thanks for sticking with us and reading along on our journey. Stay tuned for how the next few months unfold...endings and beginnings are always bittersweet, with so much to look forward to and so many goodbyes at the same time.
Check out this Ted Talk on what Pico Iyer calls the "floating global tribe", which is sounding more and more like the community we belong to.