Amped Up...

These days I'm carrying such a high voltage emotional charge I can't even stand myself lately. It's strange what preparing to leave a place does to you. In this case it's so bittersweet. The job, the people, the place...all serving their purpose in my life, helping me to grow and expand, and in some ways causing me to contract. 3 years is a fair amount of time to put down roots, granted these roots don't penetrate deeply into this corner of the world, but they touch down, this will always be the birthplace of our son, which will someday make the question "where are you from?" difficult for him to answer...(check out TCK here)

Preparing to leave Chiang Mai doesn't feel anything like when we left Chicago, where we had both lived for over a decade. But it still stings...and at the same time feels glorious. I remember feeling so liberated when we left Chicago, because it meant that I could. It meant that I wasn't overly attached to anything there that kept me from exploring another part of the world. There are so many people who crave change, crave living somewhere else, crave something new & different but never do it. They feel so bogged down with the "stuff"...not just material things, but emotional baggage and codependent relationships, the thought of leaving overwhelms them. 

The sweetness? What we have to look forward to...first a visit back home! I can't wait to take Dylan to Silver Beach this summer! He loves being outside, he loves water, he loves exploring and playing in the sand and it's going to be so much fun! I'm also excited to connect with family and friends!

Then, onto our new adventure in Bogota. The work, the new living situation (back into a apartment after 2 years in this gigantic 5 bedroom teak house), a COOLER climate (yippee) are all changes I'm looking forward to. 

But packing, and working, and mothering and preparing to say goodbyes, it really takes a lot out of you, so there's that emotional charge...and right now when I should be getting ready to go to sleep, I'm here writing these feelings because it seems to help. In a lot of ways Chiang Mai has been a tremendous gift...my process in transitioning to life here has been difficult and as a result I've grown, and questioned and I feel more prepared for our transition to Bogota.

Where we go from here...

It's been awhile...During the past few months it's been difficult for me to find the time to sit down and write. Since the very beginning of our Chiang Mai blog I've tried to approach what I share with a sense of transparency, but during the past few months, it's been a little difficult for both Fuad & I to completely live out loud.
To be perfectly honest, I can't share it all anymore...the process of becoming an ex-pat, living & working & raising our child abroad has changed me too much. I feel reserved in sharing it all for fear of...well, revealing how different my thought process has become over the past 3 years.

We've had some big decisions to make because after a lot of soul searching, countless conversations and independent reflection, we came to the conclusion that our set up here in Chiang Mai isn't ideal for our family. That's not to say that anything is wrong with Chiang Mai...or Thailand...it mostly has to do with Fuad working in Bangkok, but it also has to do with (mostly me) wanting to be closer to our other home (the one in America) where our beloved family and cherished friends call home.

So for the first time in my life I resigned from my current job before securing a new one. Which felt like a huge risk for me. Then I searched and searched for the right angle to see things, weighing our needs with our desires, along with our potential options and decided to throw my hat into the ring of the international school hiring season. I decided that if I didn't at least try for a position, I would regret it. We had 2 goals: 1) For Fuad and I to live and work in the same city. 2) To be closer to our home (in America).
I applied to about 4 schools...and after a very long and thorough interview process I was offered an elementary music position in Bogota, Colombia! So after 3 years here in CM, we find ourselves packing up and once again going through the process of shedding stuff and preparing for some cooler temperatures! Yay!
Why Colombia? Why not? The list is so long...starting with the school which is well established & respected, and the pay and benefits are excellent. Plus we'll be living in the same time zone as our folks back home. I am so ready to live outside of Asia and in some cooler temperatures, and the journey home is a lot shorter than 24 hours!
I understand that some people don't get it...but there are plenty of people who do.
I can't pass up an opportunity to live and work on yet another continent. If my experience and qualifications allow me this, I'm going to do it. I can't pass up the potential for my son to one day attend an international school practically for free. Our son will be bilingual (he already understands and speaks a few Thai words) and will occupy a place in the world that I can hardly even fathom.
So...we enter a new phase, a new chapter, maybe even a different novel, thanks for sticking with us and reading along on our journey. Stay tuned for how the next few months unfold...endings and beginnings are always bittersweet, with so much to look forward to and so many goodbyes at the same time.
Check out this Ted Talk on what Pico Iyer calls the "floating global tribe", which is sounding more and more like the community we belong to.

Happy 1st Birthday Dylan Jai

Where do I start in describing the incredible, roller coaster ride that was Dylan's first year of life?

Dylan was conceived in love with so much hope and anticipation...I had no idea how blindsided I would be in my complete, unconditional love for this little man.

But wherever there is light, there is also shadow...the greatest joys and the greatest frustrations...it would be unrealistic to write about Dylan's first year as if everything were perfect. There were many perfect moments, but there were also imperfect ones. The greatest challenge over the last year was Dylan's struggle against sleep. There were even some nights that felt like a strange kind of torture, or punishment...all I wanted for our family to sleep...but it remained elusive.

The second challenge was Fuad's work situation, as he travels to Bangkok once a week for 2 days of work and 1 night away from our family. The second morning he's gone is difficult, as I have to tend to Dylan, and Baxter, and getting myself ready for work, all before 7 am! When Dylan starts walking (which will be any day now) I don't know how I'll manage these mornings.  I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. 

I find myself so nostalgic when reflecting back to "last year at this time", the days and moments leading up to his arrival...I think because I was so naive, and I had no idea how much his arrival would change our lives. 

Here are a few highlights from Dylan's first year of life:

Dylan took 1 road trip to Sukothai at around 3 months. It's a 5 hour drive from Chiang Mai.

Dylan spent 1 weekend in Bangkok in May

Dylan traveled to America at 4 1/2 months old, enduring 24 hours of flights and airports to get from Chiang Mai to Chicago.

Dylan took a trip to Sydney, Australia at 7 months old, spending another 12 hours in an airplane to get there.

Dylan visited Singapore at 10 months old. Only 2 1/2 hours in a plane!

Dylan flew to America for his 1st birthday...another 24 hours en route to the USA.

Dylan now weighs 18 pounds 2 ounces, and is 29 inches tall.

His eyes are brown and his hair is straight.

His 5th tooth is coming in.

He can clap & wave, play peek-a-boo, and he can wai when you say "sawasdee khap" (the standard Thai greeting). He can lift his arms to the sky, and point using his index finger.

He stands really well and is about to walk ANY DAY NOW!

He loves eating bananas, rice crackers, his grandmother's dhal bhaat (rice & lentils), kiwi, and scrambled eggs.

He loves taking things in & out of containers, and opening & closing doors and drawers. His favorite toys right now are his new Tickle-Me Elmo and his stacking blocks.

Dylan is totally captivated by Youtube videos with puppets, Michael Jackson music videos, Curious George cartoons, Tinga Tinga Tales from Africa, and musical instruments in real life.

I hope that Dylan continues to approach life with his eyes wide open and with a sense of awe and curiosity.

Here are a few of my favorite pictures from Dylan's first year of life.

Just an hour old!

Dylan just a few days ago watching the lions at the National Zoo

A few days old, just before leaving the hospital

5 days old

3 months old with his best pal at the time, Worm.

4 months old

Father's Day 5 months old

6 months old

7 months old

Under the super trees in Singapore, 9 months old

Dressed as a cowboy, 10 months old

At the Elephant Camp 11 months old

Simply Spectacular Singapore

Inside the cloud dome at The Gardens by the Bay

This year for my October break from school we headed to Singapore. I had an opportunity to attend a music educator conference and Fuad has family there so we decided we couldn't pass up this trip.
I'll be honest, I'd heard some interesting things about Singapore in recent years and it wasn't on the top of my list of places to see while living in Asia, but I am so glad that we went. It defied and surpassed my expectations.
We spent the most delightful week with Fuad's Uncle Pi, Aunt Jien and cousins Hanshun and Shuli. It's asking a lot to show up with a 9 1/2 month old baby; Dylan still wakes multiple times in the night (potentially disturbing the entire household) and his schedule with eating and napping sometimes makes it challenging to try and incorporate sightseeing while traveling.

Gardens by the Bay under the "Super Trees"

BUT...
From the moment we arrived I felt so comfortable in the home of Sudderuddin's of Singapore. I loved their "free & easy" approach and felt so pampered and taken care of...we ate delicious food, took much needed naps, saw incredible sights (like Singapore's Gardens by the Bay), and we were showered with love (especially Dylan who was the big hit of the week).
I especially enjoyed the ritual of having tea around 4pm and have decided to create space in my life for this time to slow down and chat.
I had the best time and felt quite sad to leave this part of Fuad's family that I had just met.

And Singapore, the country Uncle Pai refers to as a "little red dot", is simply beautiful.

This makes Dylan's travel total 4 countries in less than 10 months.

Dylan with Auntie Jien

New favorite face "duck lips"

Hanging out with Auntie Jien & Uncle Pi

He's turning out to be quite the jet setter!

Identity Shift...

Dylan's first time riding in the cart.
He's so excited!

 It's taken me awhile to consider what to say about being a working mom. I fear that a bulk of my readers will want to roll their eyes, or giggle at my naivety...because I realize how many Moms do this and have been doing this, I just didn't realize how challenging it is...

Dylan with his buddy Tan in the nursery.

To start, I'm in a best case scenario, my school has a nursery on campus for the children of staff. They provide the space, the parents are responsible for providing the "stuff" and the childcare. So we have a nanny, her name is Bo and her twin sister happens to be the nanny of the only other baby in the nursery. Bo had been coming to our house twice a week as our cleaner since about 2 weeks before Dylan was born.  Bo was one of the first people who met Dylan...we came home from the hospital on a Wednesday and as far as I recall, she came the next day. She was thrilled when we asked if she would be his nanny and I can tell that she cares for him deeply, she misses him when we're away and she delights in his pleasant demeanor...and he responds to her. Sometimes I wonder if his first word will be in Thai...

Tub time!

Yet even though this is an ideal situation, I find negotiating this relationship challenging (Mother & Nanny), I'm not entirely comfortable being "boss" (for lack of a better word). And I've noticed that I'm reserved in confronting things that I'd like to see done differently. 

So Dylan & I go to school together every morning. It's a very short ride, most days it takes less than 10 minutes, I load him into the stroller so I can carry all the bags, we make a quick stop by my classroom (to drop off one of the bags), then walk to the other end of campus where the nursery is located. I nurse him, then I head off to teach. 

I have a break at 9:15 and if Dylan isn't sleeping, she brings him to my classroom to nurse.  My lunch break is at 11:10, she always brings him at this time, he hangs out with us while we eat lunch in the office, then I nurse him again...he usually naps again in the afternoon, then I walk over to the nursery for one more feeding before we head home, which is usually around 3. 

He has adjusted well, he naps at school and rolls around that campus in his stroller like he's the prince of CMIS.

On my end, I do enjoy being back at work. The students & I have picked up right where we left off, the only difference now being that I seem to have a terrible memory! It's remarkable how easily I forget things...I absolutely have to write everything down and have dedicated a notebook to this purpose of being my running to do list. 

My other issue is sleep. Dylan continues to be an inconsistent sleeper...I'm actually amazed at how I'm able to make it though the day on the little amount of sleep I'm getting. 

Chronic sleep deprivation, that's my condition. Side affects include dark circles and puffy eyes,  sudden bouts of silliness or spontaneously bursting into tears.

***Note*** I've been sitting on this blog for at least 2 weeks...there's more to be said but I'm finding it difficult to find the right words. This new identity as a working mom and the most difficult part of my week EVERY WEEK when Fuad travels overnight to Bangkok for work. Some mornings it just feels like too much...getting myself ready, getting Dylan ready and taking care of Baxter all before 7:00 am! It's a tight schedule with no wiggle room for error. If something goes wrong, it throws off the entire morning and spills over into my day. 

Sleepy boy...

Otherwise, Dylan continues to thrive. His first tooth is just starting to show! Since he's kind of on the late side with this, I have a feeling more will appear very soon. We're still breastfeeding at the 8 month mark and still using cloth diapers. He is a VERY busy boy! He's crawling everywhere and pulling himself up to stand on just about anything he can get his hands on! He and Baxter are starting to really get along since Dylan has started eating some finger foods and Baxter gets to eat all the pieces that have fallen on the floor.

Dylan loves standing up, here he's under the dining table.

Thanks for reading, thanks for all the kind thoughts and encouraging words. There are some days when I miss our people back home terribly.

Falling in love with Sydney

We loved Australia! Dylan once again proved to be a travel champ! He handled the long, 10 hour flights with ease,  charming everyone he could shine his light on. I'm so proud to be his Mom.We spent 2 afternoons taking the ferry back and forth to Manly Beach, we took a tour of the landmark Sydney Opera House (which I'm so grateful I got to  see the inside of), we spent the chunk of a day in the Royal Botantic Gardens, and of course we shopped! (Although it didn't take long for me to realize I can't really afford to shop in Sydney.) To get around, I took Dylan by ferry, by stroller and by Ergo carrier on public transportation (both subway and bus). Sydney has got to be one of the best walking cities I've encountered and I realized that I  haven't done that much walking in at least 2 years. By comparison, Chiang Mai has got to be one of the least walker friendly places I've encountered.We also ate delicious food! One of my favorites was a roasted pumpkin wrap with feta cheese, fresh spinach, walnuts & pesto. I also enjoyed a few curry chicken pies from the walk up shops with some gelato for dessert. To be honest, I fell in love with Sydney...it was such a soft landing (especially coming from Asia with the flight being only about 9 hours). There was no culture shock, no jet lag (with only a 3 hour time difference from CM), the people are incredibly friendly and everyone speaks English. 

Gratitude comes to mind...I had set my sights on traveling to Australia over 2 years ago and even started to think that I might not make it (at least not at this point in my life) and yet it happened. Thank you Fuad!  I feel so blessed to be your partner in this life...thank you for making this happen for our family and thank you for being such a joy to travel with...(Honestly, the fact that we travel so well together is part of what sealed the deal for us!) Although it's stressful at times, now we get to share our love of the world with our little person, which I view as an honor. Dylan turned 7 months old in Australia and has already acquired 3 stamps in that little passport. I can only dream of what the future holds for this little guy.

In other news I'm about to wrap up my first week as a working Mama! This should and will be its own blog post.

A little jet lag goes a long way...

4:30 am and wide awake.
Jet lag is difficult for adults, much less children...This trip back to Chiang Mai has been pretty hard on us. We are 12 hours ahead here in Chiang Mai, which makes Dylan's day's and night's feel reversed. The last 2 days there have been moments when he just can't stay awake during the day and moments (which last a little longer) at night when he can't close them.
 A little peak at the past 2 nights...
Night 1: down at 9:00 pm, up from 12:00-3:00 am, 6:00 am ready to start the day.
Night 2: down at 8:00 pm, up at 11:00 (brief), up at 2:00 am (feeding), up at 4:00 awake and ready to start the day. (Better than the first night, but not ideal.)

I've wrapped my head around the fact that it'll take about a week to recover, that's how long it takes for most adults as well...my concern is that 8 days from now we're taking another trip!
I know...
Fuad is going to Australia for his quarterly work meeting and Dylan & I are tagging along! It's just too good of an opportunity to pass up. Australia has been on our list of "must see" places while living in Asia. (More for me than Fuad, this will be his third trip there.)
Plus...
The last work trip Fuad took back in April, which was to Moscow, was one of the most difficult weeks Dylan & I have experienced in his short life so far. I gained a new appreciation for single mothers, after spending that very difficult week without Fuad, I really don't know how they do it.

So Dylan will recover and then we'll head to Sydney for a week. The good news is the time difference is only 3 hours!

Here's Dylan after waking from a massive nap the other day...just before we took the video he literally couldn't keep his eye lids up!

On to the next chapter...

How is it possible that nearly 8 months of maternity leave and 2 months vacation in the US is over?

Tomorrow morning we begin the long journey to our home in Chiang Mai...and this time around leaving the States feels like one of the most difficult things I've had to to...Taking Dylan to our home across the world just doesn't feel right.

Along with leaving the States I'm also wrapped up in mixed emotions regarding the end of my maternity leave, I love my job and I'm looking forward to returning to teach, I'm just not looking forward to being away from Dylan...I feel concerned about his (and my) transition to a new schedule. I'm also concerned about his sleep (he's still waking about 3 times a night and nursing twice) and how that will potentially effect my work day...but let's give that a little more time since I have a few more weeks.

While in America we stayed in 3 cities and 9 different places! Dylan had many firsts on this trip...he experienced his first time at the beach and even ate some wet sand! He sat up for the first time and is about to crawl any day now! He went to his first group yoga class for babies, and ate his first solid food! It's been so amazing to see him experience all these things while here!

Dylan hangs out with the big kids over at Barrett & Andy's house

So on the eve of our voyage, I'd like to say thanks! Thank you to all the people who made time to spend with our little family. To the people who opened their homes and let us in (Adam & Alexia, Daren & Lance, Barrett,  Andy & Stella, our Ahmad Family in DC and our Raines family in Michigan) for the shared meals (too many people to list!), the cuddles & hugs & giggles & grins shared with our baby boy...thank you to family and friends who continue to care about what and how we're doing and want to see us and want to see us come back. 

For as much as I enjoy living the life of an ex-pat across the world, it's hard, it feels especially hard with our son...so please continue to reach out and think of us. Keep writing emails and facebook messages, keep reading our blog & skyping (or facetime) because the world doesn't really have to feel so big.

So here's to the next chapter we're about to begin, me as a working mother.

Dhadi, Dhada, Auntie Sara & Uncle Mekail

We made the short journey from Chicago to DC to introduce Dylan to his Grandparents, Aunt & Uncle. It was really special sharing their first grandchild with them in person, as they had only seen Dylan in pictures, videos & Skype (thank goodness for Skype). Dylan was absolutely showered in love and attention the entire week and I thoroughly enjoyed being a part of the joy that Dylan brought to the family. 

Dylan really seemed to hit it off with his Auntie Sara & Uncle Mekail. I like to think it's because he recognized a similar playfulness that his Daddy also exudes. It was a great week filled with giggles, fantastic meals & loads of love. Fuad & I even got to go to a movie while Dhadi & Auntie Sara babysat!

My son is so lucky to have so many people who love him...

I love how Dylan and his Dhada are looking at each other!

Fuad's first Father's Day 

3 Generations...

We even got to do some sightseeing...at the Martin Luther Kind Memorial.

Dylan Comes to America

I love this family photo in front of the bean in Chicago!

Dylan & I hanging out at Blue's Fest.

Another favorite, Dylan & Fuad on Father's Day at the Ahmad's home in DC.

It's been so hard to find time to blog while in the States. We've been so busy and at the end of the day when Dylan goes to bed, I'm ready to relax myself!
We leave 2 weeks from today and so much has happened during this trip that I don't even know where to start!

A good place to start is to address some of the most common questions we've been hearing...it seems everywhere we go we're asked the same things:
1. How was Dylan on the flights?
Dylan was a champ! The first flight left from Chiang Mai at around mid-night, so I put him to bed like usual, we woke him and headed to the airport where he was awake for a few hours while checking in and waiting to board, then he promptly fell asleep once the flight took off! The first leg from Chiang Mai to Seoul is a 5 hour flight and he slept for about 3 of the 5 hours.
We had a few hours in Seoul where Dylan and Fuad both slept for a bit in the airport.
Then...the long one, 13 hours from Seoul to Chicago. Dylan slept on and off throughout and didn't get too fussy until the last 3 hours or so...I was finally able to get him to sleep by standing and rocking him in the very back of the plane (there's lots of white noise back there).
Dylan has taken 6 flights in 5 months with 8 more flights coming this year! Needless to say I'm so grateful that he seems to be a pretty calm flyer.

Dylan & Daddy catch a quick snooze in the Seoul airport.

2. What does baby jet lag look like?
We did experience some jet lag. Since Chiang Mai and Chicago are 12 hours apart, it felt like day & night reversal. I had done some reading about baby jet lag before leaving so when Dylan woke up around 3am ready to start his day, we got up for a bit and waited for him to show sleep signals...by the end of our first week, he was back on his normal schedule.

3. How was your birth experience?
Since I've only given birth once and it was in Chiang Mai, I don't really have anything to compare it to, (besides hearing the experiences of friends). It was painful (I don't know that any birth experience isn't painful), it was empowering, & it was transformative. Sure, it would have been helpful to speak the same language as the nurses, but with all the things that could have happened, I'm incredibly grateful to walk away from the experience feeling so very blessed with a happy, healthy baby boy!

3. When are you coming home? or...Where are you going next?
Sorry, but I can't answer this one yet... I've signed a contract for one more year. What I do know is we'll be in Chiang Mai until June of 2014.

Otherwise...Being home is easy. Last year folks in Chiang Mai warned me about "reverse culture shock." I didn't experience it last year and I definitely haven't experienced it this year. I love being home, especially with Dylan. I feel like I'm finally able to do some of the things I dreamed of doing while on maternity leave with my son...things I haven't been able to do in Chiang Mai because of the incredibly hot weather and the air pollution during burning season...
While we're here, I'm trying to take advantage of resources available in the States. We attended "Mommy and Me" yoga, a music class, we've been taking walks and enjoying the outdoors, and Dylan has spent his first afternoons at the beach!

Some other highlights:
Dylan has met so many people and is an absolute charmer! He is so friendly and he seems to really enjoy meeting other babies, children, adults, & doggies!

Dylan hangs out with Alexia & Gracie the doggie

Dylan meeting Dayna and her boys Tys & Grant

Dylan met Ashley & Scott

Stella helps to take care of Dylan

Friends from yoga teacher training and so many babies!

Emmy & Davis love on Dylan (children of friends Beth & Adam)

Dylan meets some of my former students from Duprey Elementary

And his family in DC! Fuad's parents, brother Mekail & sister Sara.

And another friend in DC, Vishal

We made our way to St. Joe where Dylan met some family, like his Great Grandma, GG!

And his Great Auntie Hilda (she made the adorable hat!)

Here is poses with cousins Chloe & Caleb

He met our very close friends Paul & Ian

And Ian's mommy, Megan

These boys took a hike with us!

Dylan having a picnic with his Great Uncle Jimmy & Great Aunt Jenna

And or course, Meme & Grand-dad