A little bit about my new job

Heading off to work on Perry, our scooter.

Things are getting better, slowly but surely... This week is good because Fuad is back from London and I have something to look forward to; this weekend I'm making my first trip to Bangkok! Fuad will be going for work on Thursday morning, and I'll meet him there on Friday in the late afternoon, then we'll return together on Sunday evening. I'm grateful to have the opportunity to see where it is he's been going off to every week!

As I quickly approach the end of my third week at Chiang Mai International School, I thought I might share a little bit about my new job, now that I'm finding my feet on the ground.

CMIS has around 460 students in grades K-12 who come from 30 different countries! I'm teaching elementary music, so I have K-6th grades. Every child in these elementary grades, regardless of their background has Thai class twice a week, which makes my situation unique because the children are grouped by their level in Thai class (beginner, intermediate, advanced). So, for instance, while half of 3rd grade is in Thai, the other half is in music. They don't come to me as their homeroom grouping. (I hope that wasn't too confusing) Let's stick with 3rd grade as an example...my first period class has 11 students in it, which is a combination of two homerooms, and my 2nd period class has 15 kids. I see both groups of 3rd graders twice a week.

I've never had a schedule that made this much sense because I've only worked at schools where teachers are on their "prep" while students are at classes like music, PE, art, tech, and library.

In fact, in my previous school my team was referred to as "preps" or "prep teachers" (I don't teach "prep" but some things are so deeply ingrained in the vernacular it would take decades to change.) Usually (in Chicago) classroom teachers are required to meet, for planning purposes, during at least one of their preps which means I would never get two third grade classes back to back, one class would be in music, while the other was in PE. If I did see a group two times in one week (which hasn't happened for about 4 years) I would have them later in the week.

Here, from day one I have only heard my team referred to as specials, which is a lot more like it! This schedule totally works for me - I see both classes of every grade that I teach back to back (with passing time) twice a week. I have breaks built in since all the kids get am, pm and lunch recess. All teachers (not just the specials) take a turn on duty and because there are so many of us, I only have duty twice a week for 10 minutes each (a far cry from Chicago, where I was on duty 5 days a week for 30 minutes each).

Budgets in CPS had gotten whittled down so much that everyone was expected to do more with less. More kids in the classrooms, more classes per day, more duty since each year more folks were getting laid off, more meetings to analyze why the schools are failing and test scores are so low, more PD sessions to create better teachers so the test scores won't be so low...and on & on & on...

CMIS kids are awesome! I haven't encountered any disrespectful students, I haven't left work feeling like I needed to cry, I haven't had to raise my voice....Mostly, I've done a lot of smiling at work. It feels good!

Here is a picture of my classroom...

Synchronicity & Clarity

Synchronicity: uncanny coincidence, the unlikely conjunction of events, and/or a startling serendipity...

Clarity can be the result of synchronicity, giving you the feeling that what you've been looking for was already there...

I've had some time to myself this week with Fuad gone in London and I had a realization today that what I'm experiencing is culture shock, and for some reason, it feels reassuring to have a label or a name for how I feel. I guess it acknowledges that it's normal, and that I'm not alone, that others have gone through this. It seems like a most people who've traveled and spent long periods (or maybe even short periods) of time outside of their own culture have experienced culture shock. However, I feel isolated because I'm surrounded by people who have been here for long periods of time (I even work with some American teachers who have lived in Asia most of their lives) and even though Fuad I and moved here together, he has a separate process...he's actually more like a Third Culture Kid (he'll have to blog about that) so what he is feeling is not at all like what I'm feeling.

When I looked up the text book definition of what culture shock is...I was surprised by how much of it fits how I'm feeling. The homesickness is just a symptom of the bigger issue. I miss so many aspects of our life in Chicago, but mostly I miss feeling familiar with my environment. {Homesickness, Check}

This past weekend I was sick (my belly adapting to the "intestinal flora") so I stayed in bed most of the day with stomach issues, Fuad did his best to take care of me while at the same time preparing to leave for London. I was so weak and ill I was concerned that I wouldn't even be able to go to school on Monday.

{Digestive issues, Check}

Last night for no apparent reason, I couldn't sleep... After I did fall asleep, I woke up in the middle of the night with more stomach cramps, because of this change in my stomach stability and sleeping patterns I looked at the clock this evening and wanted to go to bed at 7:45! That's definitely not normal...I've hardly taken any naps here...for most of my adult life I've taken an afternoon nap, I LOVE my naps, but it just doesn't happen, even if I feel tired.

{Sleep pattern issues, Check}

The words "culture shock" never even crossed my mind prior to making this move. In contrast to the #1 question I was asked prior to moving "Aren't you excited?" I'm now constantly being asked "Are you getting settled?" Not that I don't appreciate the sentiment from my new colleagues, but what I really want to say is "no, not really."

So where does the synchronicity & clarity come in? Last weekend Fuad & I had one of our lengthy discussions about what I now know I can label as culture shock. We discussed how we could potentially change how we feel (our emotions) by adjusting our attitude towards them. We actually had a difference of opinions, which rarely happens between us. Fuad says we can control our emotions, I disagree. I say we can control how we react to our emotions.

Then I came across this passage from "A Life Worth Breathing" by Max Strom that addresses the very subject we were talking about...

The Storm in Your Mind

It is the storm in your mind-the mental stress, negativity, and endless inner monologue-that causes so much of your emotional suffering and ill health. It is by teaching your intellect to become quiet, and learning to be still, that you can become happier, healthier, and more emotionally stable. Constant lurching into the future or dwelling on past events robs you of the present. True joy is experienced only in the present, so you have to be present to experience it.

Have you ever wondered why you cannot remember most of your life? It is because you weren't really there. You were hallucinating about the past or future so your consciousness missed the present. Why would you remember what you didn't experience? We live in the "greatest hits"-or "darkest hits'- of memory consciousness, and although many of our memories are negative, we replay them again and again. Each time we replay negative memories, we relive the emotions, perhaps even reliving a trauma.

Because they do not truly understand these concepts, many teach the need for a positive outlook as the solution to this problem; however, positive thinking alone is not enough, as our minds are so easily affected by external negative stimuli. For example, you can be in a very positive state but then be triggered into an argument in a mere moment from one wrong word. You must learn to achieve inner stillness, regardless of the outer circumstances. It is only when you can still the storm in your mind that you can unify mind, body, and emotions.

Surrendering to stillness is an essential state of mind that the saints and mystics consider essential in order to know themselves, to develop consciousness, or to merge with God.

When the mind is still, the heart-our emotional center-is unencumbered, and when the heart is unencumbered, we feel joy, contentment, and peace. And then, instead of absorbing the world's chaos into us, more and more we can bring this stillness out into the world. Only after the storm is brought to stillness can we act from our highest Self, or soul, and not from the lower mind of craving, fearing, and so forth.

Be still, and know that I am God. -Psalm 46:10

The synchronicity of these events really left an impression: the tough conversation with Fuad, finding this passage, and having an informal conversation with a co-worker, all of which led me to the idea of culture shock... This process is helping me to find some much needed clarity about this new situation. There's a reason why we're here. I just need to make sure I'm not battling the storm in my mind and miss it....
Here's a video I found about culture shock...sort of... I thought it was worth sharing, for a quick laugh...

Simple Things

Folks have been asking questions after reading our blog posts and I realized that Fuad & I are so busy exploring our feelings that we sometimes forget to include the simple, most basic stuff about living here.

Today the weather was absolutely beautiful! At 5:45pm the temperature is 87 degrees F. It didn't rain today and the sky is so expressive right now. Big fluffy white clouds set against the contrast of perfectly blue sky. Doi Suthep (the big mountain seen in the distance from almost everywhere here) was so clear this afternoon as I drove home from work you could see the outlines of the trees that cover the mountain.

The sun starts to set fast around 6:00 pm which is precisely when you DON'T want to be outside, unless you enjoy being attacked by mosquitos.

After getting home from work today I had time to take some pictures which is emerging as a new hobby for me since we got a nice new camera. I stood for awhile attempting to capture the 3 different kinds of butterflies, along with a bee, feeding on the delicate flowers.

These are the things I enjoy about living here. The beauty of nature, the sense of gratitude at the end of the work day, the stillness of a quite afternoon, a cup of coffee in hand.

Variations on early evening clouds (see below) reminds me of one of my all time favorite songs...

"I've looked at clouds from both side now, from up & down and still somehow it's cloud illusions I recall, I really don't know clouds...at all"

Things I've Learned from the first 30 Days

We have now been living in Chiang Mai for 30 days. Today marks the longest I have ever been away from home...but then again, this is home now, and that's one of the lessons I'm learning.

These first 30 days have been filled with lessons, which I've compiled them into a list in no particular order. I thought I'd share these as I look ahead and look back at what's been a really intense month.

1. Moving to Chiang Mai during the rainy season

has taught me that it's helpful if you're OK with ants... (ants in your sugar bowl, on your furniture, in your trash, etc...)

2. I've also learned that Chiang Mai is on AT (Asian Time) which means everything takes longer than you expect or plan for, so flexibility and going with the flow is essential.

3. I've learned that when it floods, sandbag it, then move on...

4. A smile goes a long way here.

5. I've learned that what they say is true...it's not a matter of "if" you get a stomach bug, it's a matter of "when." (I've been dealing with this over the last few days, as I experience this sensation where my guts feel rotten... TMI, maybe, but true...)

6. I've learned that being relaxed feels good! I've got more time here and I'm trying to sit outside on our 2nd floor patio as much as possible, just relaxing and enjoying the view, the soft breeze, & the sights and sounds of our mooban.

7. The sound of rain is both comforting and distinct as it falls on the plants & trees outside, giving our house a whole added ambiance.

8. I've learned that thinking about moving 1/2 way across the world is a lot easier then actually doing it. And I know that in the end, my growth from this experience will be tremendous!

9. I've learned that friendships change and that for some people, as soon as you're out of sight, you're out of mind...

10. Living among ex-pats has taught me to really appreciate where I'm from. I wouldn't change where I'm from for anything in the world; I'm a still a Michigan girl at heart, and St.Joseph can hold its own as a beautiful place next to anywhere in the world.

11. I wouldn't give up my experiences from 11 years in Chicago either, it's those experiences that prepared me for this journey.

12. Riding a scooter to work can be both fun and scary.

13. Elephants are totally awesome!

14. Driving on the left side of the road makes right turns challenging. When in doubt, go with the flow of traffic.

15. Ticks are difficult to find in the fur of a Soft-Coated Wheaten Terrier.

16. $5 Thai massages are pretty awesome!

17. Fresh fruit juices and smoothies are awesome drinks, & anything made frappe style is ok by me!

18. In this humid climate my hair does whatever it wants, regardless of how much time or energy or product is put into it. (Mostly it likes to flip up)

19. I've learned that teaching really doesn't have to be so hard!

20. Having the opportunity to start over with a blank slate is pretty incredible...

21. I've learned to deeply appreciate having my husband on this journey with me. Experiencing all this with my best friend is priceless...

Only 30 days in and I've learned so much...with so much more learning to do! Thanks for those of you who've helped us through this process from afar... your support, letters, e-mails, and phone messages have meant a lot.

My Love & My Job...

I try not to think too much about the consequences of my lifestyle on the people I care about. Travel has been a central part of my life for as long as I can remember, a singular constant that has defined me in countless ways. It's who I am, on multiple levels - an amalgamation of cultures and ideas, curated and mixed together into a strange, exotic, murky cocktail that smells vaguely tropical... I'm OK with that. However, on the rare occasion when I stop to really think about how my incessant wandering has impacted the people close to me, I start wondering if all my relationships wouldn’t be stronger and more stable if I was actually physically present in the lives of my friends and family. I’m not, really. I’m a phantom presence in a lot of people’s lives…not actually there, but just a looming presence on their facebook feed, a source of the occasional disembodied e-mail, maybe a phone call once every few months. That’s my life, it seems, and those are my connections. I can look at travel from a lot of different ways, but dwelling on its negative role on my relationships seems rather fruitless…
Every now and then, though, I can’t help but think that I’m doing something really wrong. At the moment, I’m sitting in Bangkok’s airport en route to London for a week, and I can’t shake the feeling that leaving my wife behind in Chiang Mai is stupid, selfish, and somehow symptomatic of some deeper problem in my life. We move halfway across the world and a month later I just leave her to go to a conference… That doesn’t seem right… The thing is, my life is pretty awesome, so I can’t quite pinpoint any "deeper problem." Maybe I just miss her, and feel guilty about leaving, even though it’s only been a few hours…
Yeah, I think that's it. But this is my life, and my wonderful wife has long since gotten used to my quarterly trips around the world, it's par for the course for our relationship. She’s even managed to join me on two work trips, to Mumbai and Hong Kong, and I know she valued the experience. As our relationship unfolded while we were dating, these trips framed our time together, and they came up like clockwork, every three months. I don't think a lot of other marriages and relationships could endure these kind of week-long absences, though, and I say that simply because I've watched work schedules like this disrupt all kinds of relationships. Advertising hours are famous for being disruptive to the health of marriages... But some relationships can work with them, or around them, and there really are no rules or formulas for how solid relationships ought to work. It all depends on the people involved. If you can maintain a powerful link with your loved one while still traveling separately, that's a powerful testament to your connection, I think. We've managed to make it work, Becky and I. It's just going to take some getting used to while we live in Thailand....
Self-doubt has to be one of the worst feelings in the world. Trying to convince yourself of the inherent righteousness of what you’re doing when you don’t really believe it is a waste of time. Yet here I am, doing just that, whiling away the hours till my flight departs by engaging in what Becky sometimes calls “self-beat.” We tell our yoga students about it all the time: “don’t let the inner voice and inner critic shape your experience.” Learning to tune out the endless mental chatter is one of the primary goals of yoga, and I need to remind myself of that every day. Particularly at moments like this, when I’m about to fly halfway across the world, leaving my wife behind, just because it is a part of my job, and I've grown used to this routine. I think I need to take my own advice and listen to what I tell my yoga students: just do it, turn off the thought-process, quit editorializing, and go ahead and work through the process, and everything will be fine. The reason we do yoga is not just to be fit and have nice buns and to surround ourselves with positive people prone to new age-esque pronouncements of “mercury in retrograde” and vague statements about channeling "good energy." We do yoga to have control over our thoughts. At least, that’s why I do it. Without yoga, I used to dwell in darkness, ruminating on the worst aspects of humanity, looking out at the world and seeing squalor and the evil, greedy machinations of a species seemingly bent on its own destruction. With yoga, all those things may still be present, but I can find an inner calm, a repose within it all, a sense of pervasive serenity that lets me move through my life with something resembling grace instead of constant resentment towards humanity about the state of the world. And that’s what I need right now... the inner yoga to quiet my thoughts...
Yes, I’m leaving my wife behind for a week while I traipse halfway across the world to London. But she’ll be fine. She’s working at a great school, has phenomenal, loving students, a community of people looking out for her, a wonderful home, a devoted puppy, and nice, concerned neighbors. She’ll be fine. I guess I just feel a little guilty for leaving. But such is life, such is the job I have, and my wife of all people knows it better than most. We’ll spend a hard week apart, in our respective worlds, and then next Sunday I’ll find myself in her arms and everything will be right again with the world. Travel, after all, is somehow part of our dharma. Separate and together, we are with each other because we share a commitment to see as much of the planet as we can during our brief stay in this world. It's a privilege to get around, and I'm so blessed to share my journey with Becky. I couldn't ask for a more loving partner and a better, more enduring love to color my world... But I do worry about her. Those of you reading, do me a favor and send my wife some love this week. A facebook message, a phone call, a skype session... all these things help us feel connected, and I'd appreciate you reaching out to remind my wife that we're a part of a much larger community, no matter what the distance between us... It'll help the week pass much faster...
Thanks, y'all. Catch you on the flip side from the UK.

1 Month Anniversary

Spent a chunk of Saturday afternoon at the Oasis Spa in the center of the city, celebrating our 1 month anniversary in Thailand. Any excuse to get swathed in coconut butter and rubbed down with hot oil sounds good to us, so Becky and I made our way to one of the most well-known spas in the city and got ourselves a treatment. It's been a stressful few weeks, for a bunch of reasons, and we both needed a reminder of why we moved out here in the first place... 3 hours getting pampered totally put us at ease... Thank you Pablo Riojas (one of our well-traveled friends from Moksha Yoga in Chicago) for the tip to check this place out... We'll be back as often as we can get here...

Commuting to Bangkok (Ver.2.0)

This commute could kill me, if I’m not careful. Scurrying like a madman through the streets of Bangkok is simply not safe – the pavement is uneven, there’s jackasses on motorbikes randomly driving down the sidewalks, and everywhere, food stands and hawkers and fumes satiate your senses till your head starts spinning. This city doesn’t feel particularly pedestrian-friendly, but maybe that’s just because I keep getting lost…

Sitting at the airport after a stressful, 90-minute race against the clock to make my flight, I find myself contemplating the contract I’ve signed. Spending two days a week in Leo Burnett’s Bangkok office was a clause I agreed upon reluctantly, because my new boss demanded it, but I knew at the time it was going to hurt. Bangkok may only be an hour-long flight from Chiang Mai, but it’s 4-5 hours from my house to my new office, door to door, and the transition from the mountainous serenity of northern Thailand to the hustle and bustle of the big city is difficult. Maybe I’m just not mentally prepared for it, and it will get easier with practice, but after doing this for two weeks in a row I can honestly say that this commute is a beast. I’m used to 15 hour flights and 30 hours of travel to cross the world, but navigating Thai traffic is a whole different proposition. Plus, part of the problem is I know this is inefficient. In this day and age, where I can legitimately get more work done in a coffee shop than at the office, there isn’t necessarily a good rationale for traveling 500 miles to a place of business just to show my face. Truth be told, though, I do realize that the work I just did over the last 30 hours was not something I could have produced from Chiang Mai. Sigh. You can’t pour yourself into a new business pitch from some remote outpost, you actually have to get your hands dirty and put in the long nights, surrounded by a team suffering through the same ordeal. I just wish the transitions to and from the office weren’t quite so brutal…

This trip to Bangkok hurt pretty bad. Got up at 4:45 am, was out the door at 5:10, boarded the plane at 6:30, landed at 8:15, took two trains into the city, walked a few long, torturous blocks to the office, and hit the ground running on a new business pitch that kept me at the office till 11 pm. They fed me good, but by 11 pm, I was ready to leave. I finished up a script, grabbed my suitcase and computer, and walked through the steady rain trying to find the hotel I’d booked online. Got lost twice, because my iPhone GPS was wrong, the google maps location of this hotel was inaccurate, and in the dark I got disoriented. I’ve learned the hard way over the past two weeks not to trust online maps to gauge distances in this city. Something that’s 1000 meters as the crow flies might take an hour to walk, through buildings, over streets, around parks and beneath highway overpasses. It’ll get easier once I know the geography of this city, but for now, I’m perpetually wandering around like a befuddled farang.

Finally arrived at the hotel around midnight. The receptionist in the abandoned lobby retreated back to the office and told me she didn’t have my reservation. Lovely. Rain soaked and irritated, I waited for 30 minutes as she laboriously ran through a bunch of databases and still came up empty. It would have been one thing if she was apologetic, but this was service with a scowl, entirely lacking the gracious, warm hospitality Thai’s are renowned for all over the world. Hotels.com gave this place a 3.8 rating out of 4, but I could tell just by the abandoned lobby that this was not a place I would be coming back to. The receptionist ultimately gave me a room, apologized, and had someone escort me up. Great, I thought. Just let me shower and pass out. Ah, but if it were only that simple.

I am not a hotel snob. I’ve stayed in some amazing places for work over the years, but I’ve also been through my share of backpacker joints and hostels over the years. I’m not proud, and there’s something to be said for traveling on a shoestring budget – it’s an adventure. That said, I have never stayed in a room as crappy as the one I found myself in last night. Upon entering it, I was hit with the stench of old cigarette smoke ingrained into the fabric of the carpet, seemingly infused into the curtains and the walls themselves. The paint was dingy, the bedding was suspect, and the bathroom had the kind of scratchy, grey towels that made you wonder if they might have been white in a previous life. Still, exhausted as I was, I just brushed my teeth and got ready to pass out. Unfortunately, I could tell that this was not a room I was going to get much sleep in.

I was tucked under the covers, smothered by the stench of old cigarettes, desperately trying to go to sleep when I felt what seemed to be a bug bite on my leg. Turned the lights on, shucked the blanket off the bed and took a good look at what I was lying on. It wasn’t pretty. Cranked up the internet and ran a google search for “signs of bed bugs.” While the bed I was in didn’t appear to be infested, there were traces… leavings… markings… Now paranoid along with exhausted, I spent an hour trying to figure out how to deal with the bed I was in, and eventually drifted off into an uneasy sleep, without sheets or covers. Sigh. Live and learn, I guess.

I woke in the morning and things looked better in the light of day. Ate a decent breakfast, checked out, and walked back to the office to put it another long day of pitch-preparation. I suppose I’m destined to learn some things the hard way out here, as so many travelers are wont to do. Things I learned on this trip? There’s quite a difference between a $35 hotel room in Bangkok and one priced at $42. The airport express train can trim 400 baht and an hour off a one-way trip to Suvarnabhumi from the city center. And lastly, I learned once again that everything looks better once you land back in Chiang Mai and find yourself in a quiet taxi on a largely empty road, headed back to your loving wife and excited puppy. The commute seems doable once it’s over, but when it’s happening, it hurts on a lot of different levels. I guess I better get used to it. There’s work waiting for me in Bangkok…

It doesn't have to be so hard!

I want to start this post by saying this entry serves as an honest look at the environments where I have worked over the past 11 years, and is in no way meant to offend the many of you who I am honored to call friends, students and colleagues that may or may not still be working or learning in Chicago...

Some background information for those of you who don't know my teaching history...Over the past 11 years I was employed by Chicago Public Schools working as music teacher at 3 separate schools. I spent the first 8 years at one school, 1 year working .5 (part-time for those of you unfamiliar with the lingo) at two schools (which were in the same building) and my final 2 years at the third school. The enrollment at these schools varied from as few as 225 to as many as 660 students in grades K-8. I have taught students mainly from the Puerto Rican, Mexican & African American demographic. I have taught students with a variety of special needs including severe and profoundly disabled, autistic and emotional & learning disabled. If I took the time to calculate the number of students who have passed through my classroom door, it would be in the thousands. Many of my former students I am still in contact with, mostly via facebook and I throughly enjoy seeing their lives unfolding before them.

I had the honor of working with countless colleagues who motivated me day after day with the work they did, the love they shared and the lives they changed with the passion & level of intensity they brought to the classroom. I hope that someday their students realize how lucky they were to have these inspiring individuals as teachers.

During the past 3 years or so, I noticed that more and more often I was saying to myself..."it doesn't have to be so hard" (or a variation of this sentiment) and I also starting asking why.

Mainly, it has to do with the fact that the CPS system is broken; Chicago Public Schools is starting the 2011-12 school year $712 million in the red, with a new CEO who is collecting a 250K salary (which is a bigger salary than the city's new mayor). Test scores for the district show depressing results if you can bear to sort through the data. When you watch movies like "Waiting for Superman" or hear talks by Sir Ken Robinson regarding the current state of education (American education, that is) you start to wonder about what it would take to fix all the problems inherent in the system. Sometimes you think education as a whole needs a serious overhaul.

In Chicago, you can add more to this already challenging mix: gang wars and horrific violence in the neighborhoods, students coming into classrooms who have seen people close to them die, who are dealing with broken homes and drug abuse, sexual abuse, and any & every other kind of abuse you can think of... Although many teachers and staff are really good at their jobs, I'm sorry to say there are almost just as many who have no business spending time around kids.

Teacher retention rates are extraordinarily low because so many teachers burn out after their first 5 years. I find this absolutely pathetic considering that most teachers consider the profession to be a calling; they certainly don't go into for the money!

Where am I going with this...? I started my new job today. The contrast between these two worlds couldn't have been more drastic. First off, during 3 days of staff meetings and professional development, not ONE WORD was spoken about tests or test scores or what's riding on the results of a test, not ONE WORD was spoken about lesson plans, how to do them, what to put in the box or when they are due. Nothing was said about how to manage bathroom breaks. No one had to tell the staff what would happen if you "missed a punch." HA! We don't have to punch in or out! Imagine that! I'm currently working at a school where you can leave campus to run errands or grab lunch, where you can put your order in and lunch will be delivered to your classroom door, where you can bring items to be mailed and someone does it for you and where there's a nursery for teachers with children (both infant and toddlers.) The children here have RECESS 3 Times A Day!!! The bell rings and they go out, the bell rings and they come in, no one has to be threatened with "we will never come out here again if you don't get over here because RECESS is OVER!"

This afternoon at the completion of my first day at this new school, when I wasn't totally drained & emotionally exhausted (like I normally would be) I thought to myself once again, "it doesn't have to be so hard." I knew it!

Tomorrow is a new day. Working in a private school is different; my schedule is full, but classes are small (I didn't have over 17 students in a class today), and there's a whole separate set of expectations for everyone when parents are paying tuition and have a choice of where they want to send their children. I've spent so many years of my life dealing with the struggles of inner city schools. What would the world look like if every child had access to a quality education and a supportive family?

First Yoga Class @ Namo

Becky and I attended our first yoga class in Chiang Mai yesterday morning... I can't believe it took us three weeks to get to a studio, but we've been so busy moving in and getting our house in order that the yoga just got put on the back burner. We've been practicing a bit in our home, but it's not quite the same, and our Chicago yoga sangha is one of the things we've missed the most since arriving here. We were teaching 5-6 yoga classes a week in Chicago, and had developed a crew of regular students that gave us a lot of love every time we saw them, and that's not something that can be replaced at the drop of a hat in a new environment. Yoga is a central part of our lives, both the practicing and teaching of it, and we're still working out how we fit into this new city and its community...
Our first class in Chiang Mai was at Namo Yoga & Massage. We strapped on our motorcycle helmets and yoga mats on Saturday morning, braved the superhighway's traffic, and drove into town. We'd walked by Namo a week or two ago, on our first trip into town, and had been planning a visit ever since. The space is lovely, with massage rooms on the first floor and a yoga space on the second floor that fits about 15-20 people. Our class was taught by an ashtangi from Germany named Miri, and the room was full of people from all over the world. A lot of folks from France, some Dutch students, a crew of Americans, a Japanese student, and a pair of Thai students. Becky and I were the most advanced students in class, and there were a couple of folks who were at their first class ever. It was nice to sweat and practice with a group of people, and we're looking forward to going back to Namo for a few more classes.

It's a difficult thing to talk about and offer commentary on other yoga teachers. Our new friend Angela Tomassetti in Chicago recently undertook a "30 yoga classes in 30 days" blog, and spent the bulk of July taking classes from teachers all over Chicago and writing posts about them. She's managed to do that with grace and by staying focused on the positive, which as she mentioned in a recent facebook post, is a practice in and of itself. When you are a yoga teacher, and have gone through the long, drawn-out process of learning how to cue, sequence, and design yoga practices for students, you find yourself in a specific mental space when you're taking other teacher's classes. You think about the sequence you're doing, you think about the cues you're hearing, and a part of you is critical of what you're being taught. It's something you have to consciously turn off in order to practice with any semblance of clarity and ease, lest you fall into a critic's mentality that goes against everything you're supposed to experience while doing yoga. I find myself doing the same thing at concerts, since I am a musician. It's hard to turn off the analytical part of my brain, the part that examines how the music in front of me is being played, and assesses the skill levels of the people playing it. It's been a long time since I could just experience sound as a pure listener, without thinking about how it was constructed. It's almost a sign of the times, a symptom of the age we live in, that we believe all our opinions ought to be aired out in public. We've all grown so used to being critics, offering up unsolicited commentary on YouTube posts and writing on each other's facebook walls as if our input has been asked for. As Angela noted, it IS a practice in itself to just receive knowledge, media, or information without judging it or offering up commentary. In my marketing job, we talk all the time about engagement, interactivity, and delivering enriching experiences to people that they can participate in. This is the what people want today - the ability to see something, and to vote on it, offer up their take on it, and if it's interesting, to share it in their social network. Perhaps this is why yoga is so important to me, because it's about doing the exact opposite. Rather than engaging, you're disengaging from the part of you that wants to judge. One of the goals of many eastern knowledge traditions is to "turn off the self." The practice of yoga is about withdrawing from stimuli, both external and internal, quieting what we call "the monkey mind," and moving through physical movements in order to achieve a state of mind and state of being free from judgment. Not easy. In fact, in this day and age, where the average person is exposed to hundreds of advertising messages every day (some studies say thousands), it's growing increasingly difficult to turn off any part of your mind, because it's being bombarded with manipulative stimuli...

Anyhow, I bring this up because although both Becky and I had solid yoga practices at Namo with Miri, we both came away noting how we might have taught that class differently. We talked about it, and noted that it wasn't a criticism, it was an appreciation of how our training was different from the teacher in front of us. Miri taught a solid class that benefited all the students in the room, including the people who had never done yoga before. Any yoga teacher will tell you that having people in class who have never done yoga before is a much harder challenge than teaching students with advanced practices, who are already adept at bending and twisting their bodies into difficult shapes and angles. Miri did a great job, gave us both some great, quality adjustments, and today, I'm feeling yesterday's practice in my body and can appreciate newly awakened openings that had been dormant before the practice yesterday. We'll go back to Namo and look forward to more classes with Miri and the other teachers there.
Becky and I also noted that we've been spoiled in Chicago by the endless parade of master teachers that have come through Moksha during our tenure there. Beyond Daren Friesen, Kim Wilcox, Rich Logan, and Laura Henke from our home turf at Moksha, we've also learned from amazing teachers like Mark Lerro & Jim Bennitt & James Tennant & Gabriel Halpern & Amy Beth Treciokas, who are part of Chicago's larger yoga community and run their own studios, and who have been an important part of our journey as students and teachers. Chiang Mai has a vibrant yoga scene, we're told, and it has infinite promise as we eye it from the outside looking in, but nothing can replace what we left behind in Chicago, our circle of amazing people who all push each other to be better teachers every day. We did feel the need to leave the city, because the competitive nature of teaching in Chicago was starting to obscure some of what brought us to the path in the first place... So much about being a yoga teacher in the USA is about hustling, hawking your wares in the crowded bazaar in the hopes you'll have enough customers every day to earn a living wage. Everyone is busy posting events on Facebook and passing out flyers and posters and the studio owners are busy sweet talking GroupOn and trying to get students in the door just to keep their heads above water. It's been quite the spectacle watching the scene blow up over the last few years, and before we left, I found myself a little distraught at how the scene has transformed, seemingly becoming yet another space that's crowded with competing brands. Everyone spends so much time self-promoting, and it can get to the point where you're just weary of how much work it takes just to keep your own student base from diminishing. Yet here, from halfway across the world, it looks a little different, and I appreciate it for what it represents. In Chicago, the bar for yoga teachers is set really high, and there are quality offerings on every corner. That's a good thing. An amazing thing, actually. I look forward to exploring what Chiang Mai has to offer, and to learning from the many teachers and tapping into the rich vein of knowledge present here. I just have to remember, if you spend your time dwelling on what you've left behind, you'll never fully value the extraordinary potential of what's right in front of you.

Hitting the wall

I have a personal history of avoiding confrontation. In fact, conflict in relationships makes me very uncomfortable. In the past I have gone to great lengths to side step these two "C" words and at times have even compromised my own integrity to do so. I've come a long way in this regard, especially after setting a lifelong intention to seek and follow truth. In Sanskrit the concept of "satya" or truthfulness is detailed by the yoga sutras, and states that for one established in truth, eventually everything they say will become true. This concept, which I discovered through yoga, has helped me deal with conflict in my life.... But...I traveled around the world and immediately after starting my new job (that I'm very excited about) I have found myself in the middle of a conflict, and it's incredibly frustrating! I've mentally hit the wall with avoiding conflict, and the amount of energy I have spent over the last few days trying to work this out in my mind is ridiculous.

Since this pattern of avoiding conflict is part of my personal history, should I really be surprised that it's repeating itself here? This led me to ask the question, why does conflict occur?

I don't really want to get into the details of this, but suffice to say, it ultimately worked out favorably for me, but not without stress and mental strain, and also not without a headache.

Being in this difficult situation made me realize that I'm homesick...and I hate to admit that, although I'm not sure why...

The homesickness really started last Sunday, when Fuad and I were having lunch, and I looked out the window of the cafe and caught a glimpse of George Street, where we used to live in Chicago. It appeared like a beautiful picture in my mind, with the sun shining through the mature trees which provide just the right amount of shade on the sidewalk as Fuad and I walk around the block with Baxter like we often enjoyed doing. That was my first wave...

Then this situation at work came up and the homesickness washed over me again as I realized how much I depend on my friends and my folks to serve as sounding boards. Ordinarily I would have called and discussed things with several people, given them all the play by play and listened as they offered advice. Don't get me wrong, there are some friends emerging here and of course I have Fuad, but I missed my friends. And this feeling of homesickness has continued today and I know it will continue to come and go, it will wash over me in waves. I miss the familiarity of interactions with people.

Tonight as Fuad and I had dinner, we went ahead and spoke out loud everything we could think of that we miss about home.

We miss our families...

I miss teaching yoga and the students who became our friends.

Fuad misses playing music for yoga classes.

I miss the comfort of laying on our couch.

I miss being able to pick up the phone and call people whenever I choose.

I miss the independence of being able to drive anywhere at anytime.

I miss some of my clothes that I got rid of before moving here.

We both really miss our circle of friends.

And really the list could go on and on...

I've often said to my students over the years that in life, the most challenging things also become the most rewarding, and right now I need to hear my own words...

So, if you're reading this and you know what it feels like to be away from home, if you've ever felt this sensation, and you feel inspired to send a positive note or thought our way...I'll take it and I'll promise to do the same for you if I hear that you're in a similar situation. You could post a comment, or send an email, or even write an old fashion letter (thank you Megan & Paul!!!)

Until next time...Sawasdee Kah!

First Impression Gone Awry

My first day working in our Bangkok office did not quite go as planned. I got all dressed up in my monkey suit, threw some gel on my new yuppie haircut, and although I made it to Bangkok fine, I managed to pull a certifiably dumbass move while walking to the office from the train station. I was hurrying and trying to figure out where I was in the city by consulting my iPhone's GPS map, when suddenly I tripped over an unseen step and biffed it big time in full view of a half-dozen young Thai hawkers who watched me keel over really hard in my snazzy suit. It hurt on a lot of levels, and their stifled laughter was the least of it. Picked myself up, rubbed my shins, grabbed my toppled over suitcase full of pork rinds & chili paste, and kept going after dusting off my soiled dress slacks. Everyone falls down once in awhile. Just pick yourself up and keep on going, right? Ah, but if it were only that easy. Sadly, when I eventually made it to the office, I realized I'd ripped the crotch of my slacks when I fell. Knowing you're about to meet your new employer with a gaping hole in your pants doesn't inspire a lot of confidence. Maybe I can buy some new pants, I thought. Right. I'm already late and pants that fit don't just fall from the sky. Maybe I could make a joke of it to them and it wouldn't seem so bad. Right. After all, doesn't every boss want to carefully examine the crotch of their new hires the first time they meet them? Sigh. These were not good options. Ultimately I made a desperate detour to a 7-11, found some safety pins, and after much discreet finagling in a men's room, emerged in my suit looking as if nothing had happened. I suppose this is all too much information, but hey, it's kind of a funny story, and I'm a firm believer in the dictum that everyone ought to spend more time laughing at themselves. And anyway, after what seemed like a pretty horrendous start to my morning, I ended up having an amazing day meeting my new coworkers, eating lunch with my old friend Tawanrat and her colleagues, and chatting with my new bosses. So what if I spent the whole day nervously eying my flimsy patchwork pants held together with safety pins? Whole chapters of my life have been held together with less. Besides, no one noticed. It's not like my interview unfolded like the one below. I may pull some dumb moves occasionally, but I'm not quite a caricature like the guy below...yet... ;-) Here's to safety pins & hasty patch jobs.

Hustlin' Pig

I’m sitting in Chiang Mai Airport waiting for my flight to board with a suitcase full of pork rinds. If you had told me, ten years ago, that my future would entail smuggling deep fried pig parts across Asia, I would have either laughed at you or put my head in my hands and wept. Yet here I am, weighed down with a substantial haul of crunchy fried porcine pieces, divided neatly into plastic bags, transporting them across a nation of millions for reasons I’m still trying to wrap my head around. Apparently I’m greasing the career ladder with deep fried pig. Sigh. My life in advertising never fails to surprise me.

Today marks my first day of work at Leo Burnett Bangkok. I’ve spent the past 12 years working for Leo Burnett Chicago, and when Becky got the job offer that brought us to Chiang Mai, I immediately petitioned my bosses to let me work for our Thai office. They were amenable to the idea, on the stipulation that I spend two days a week in our Bangkok office. That’s a one-hour flight from Chiang Mai, and while that may sound like a deal-breaker to some folks, in this day and age, it’s a blessing to just have a job, and I’m deeply appreciative for the opportunity to work and learn in a new context. So here I am at the airport, at 5:52 am, surrounded by disheveled backpackers and sunkissed tourists on my way to Bangkok in my best suit in the hopes of making a good first impression on my new bosses. I hope they like pork rinds.

I’m not crossing the country with this stuff for no reason. A couple days ago I asked my friends Sue and Yo if it would be appropriate to give a gift to my new bosses in Bangkok. In certain cultures, it’s expected that gifts change hands when someone arrives as a supplicant. I suppose I’m just entering into a fairly straightforward business relationship, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to bring a small token of appreciation that demonstrates my gratitude for the position I’ve been offered. Sue and Yo didn’t really think it was something expected in Thai culture, but then Yo mentioned that a lot of people in Bangkok are fans of certain specific foods from the north, and many people who visit Chiang Mai return home to Bangkok laden down with some of northern Thailand’s most noted delicacies. That sounded good to me, because who doesn’t like a tasty treat from far away? I guess I hadn’t quite pictured exactly what Yo meant. Delicacies, I’ve learned, is a relative term that means different things to different people. Pastry and cheeses are highly regarded in Europe, and in Thailand, people in the south apparently find the Sai ua (pork sausage) and Khaep Mu (pork rinds) of Chiang Mai irresistible. The khaep mu is eaten with a green chili paste (Nam prik num), a few bottles of which I’m also carrying, and people in the south regard this as one of the north’s best exports. All of this was news to me. I couldn’t quite believe it when Yo told me, but he wasn’t kidding. I double-checked with some of the folks in my Bangkok office and they responded telling me to bring as much as I can. So here I am, with a suitcase full of pork rinds, marveling at the things I do to try and impress people. At least the absurdity of it all keeps me laughing...

Maesa Elephant Camp

Today we took a field trip to the Maesa Elephant Camp as part of my Thai Culture & Language Training for CMIS and it was awesome! As you can see by the look on my face I was completely enthralled to be standing in such close proximity to one of these amazing animals.

I mean, I've seen my fair share of elephants at the zoo, but the moment we walked through the gate of this elephant camp and I saw 3 of them playing in the fast flowing stream I couldn't stop smiling! We were with a group, so I had to keep moving, but I felt like I just couldn't look away...so over the bridge we go, only to discover tons of elephants!!! Walking around, in the water, simply milling about! I laughed as one elephant sprayed people standing nearby, in fact I took a picture and a video of him, next thing I know, I'm totally soaked from this guy too! And even though I was now completely drenched from head to toe with water that had just been inside this elephants trunk, I STILL couldn't stop smiling! I immediately turned around and used one of my favorite new phrases "mai pen rai!" It's ok, that's what happens when you see elephants in their element.

We made our way to the performance area where we watched the elephants do a variety of tasks. Some of them played soccer and actually made a few goals, some threw darts at balloons. Some were playing the harmonica while others twirled hula hoops on their trunks! Even more amazing, some of them painted on a canvas mounted on an easel. After the show the elephants came right up to the edge reaching their trunks towards the spectators asking for food. Unfortunately, I didn't have any change with me so I wasn't able to feed them any bananas or sugarcane. But next time I will! Fuad and I have decided to enlist in the mahout training, where you go and spend the night after learning all about elephant handling! I can't wait!

By the way...did you know the elephants gestation period is 22 months!!! Check this out!

Dinner @ Saenkham Terrace

We had the privilege of dining last night at a glorious Thai restaurant all the way across town in Chiang Mai's southwest suburbs. Saenkham Terrace is the kind of the place we'd never discover without good friends rooted in this community, and we spent a lovely evening listening to live music and dining on some of the best Thai food we've had in the three weeks we've been here. The occasion was our friend Yo's birthday. Infinite gratitude to the Eubank's family for their generosity and time, for sharing their lives with us so openly, and for introducing us to places as refined and enjoyable as this wonderful spot. We are just beginning to appreciate the differences between the Lanna heritage of northern Thailand and what most visitors find in the southern regions, where Thailand's beaches are. The restaurant we visited last night was designed as a traditional Lanna Thai terrace... Here's a blurb from the restaurant's website explaining the concept:

There is much more to Saen Kham’s Lanna Terrace than just fine Thai cuisine. In traditional Thai culture, the terrace connected to the main building of a house is used not only as a deck on which to sit and relax. In fact, it is a multipurpose area that is probable used more than any other area of the house. A Thai terrace can serve as a dining area, a place to receive guests, or even as a place to take an afternoon siesta. At the same time, the terrace is associated with more artistic endeavors. Most of a Thai family’s traditional handicraft work, like basket weaving by the men and textile weaving by the women, takes place on the terrace.
Our concept for Saen Kham was to integrate the origin of Thai handicrafts with the feel of a genuine Lanna Terrace. This is enhanced by the rice fields on the north side of the restaurant and beyond them the mountains to the west. Although there was already a terrace overlooking the Swimming pool outside of the main dining room, we left it did not capture the essence of our concept.
This is what inspired us to completely renovate the restaurant. The “Basketry and Weaving” concept welcomes you immediately on the main floor, where a woven rattan banister leads up to Saen Kham. The second floor has a ceramic-tiled floor that remains one of Lanna textiles and the main entrance to the dining room features a large painting by “VICHIT CHAIWONG” of Gong Dee Gallery. In black and gold, it splendidly portrays the elegance of Thai textiles. Other paintings by “SANTI CHANNONGSUANG” depict Lanna people and their close relationship with basketry and weaving. The exterior wall of the dining room has its origins in Thai temple design, while the ceiling and roof are done in Lanna temple style.
“YUTTHANA MOHPRASIT”, our interior designer, incorporated an elevated level on each side of the dining hall to create the feeling of dining on a terrace. All furniture is made of woven rattan and reminds guests of feel of the woven baskets that warm every Lanna terrace. Weaving loom components take on new roles as decorative accents on Saen Kham’s walls. Every little thing here has its own story to tell. And together they make up the Saen Kham legend.

Mai Pen Rai and other Cool Thai Phrases

Fuad and I have just spent a bulk of the last 2 days in Thai Language and Culture Training. A total of 20 hours is required by law in order for me to receive my Thai teaching license. CMIS generously offered for Fuad to attend along with me since he will be working in the Bangkok office of Leo Burnett. Additionally, starting in September, CMIS provides 30 lessons in Thai language for me! Yesterday our teacher told us that in 30 lessons some teachers have become proficient in Thai. Knowing my history in attempting to learn languages, I don't think I'll be one of those people...but perhaps if I try REALLY hard, I can do it.

I previously wrote about slowing down the tempo and yesterday I discovered an essential phrase in the Thai language which explains a lot about the perception of time here, "Mai Pen Rai" It means "it's ok, don't worry about it, or never mind." If you click the link you can see scenarios of when to use this phrase. I also learned that Thai people avoid conflict, so the use of "mai pen rai" helps them to skirt around confrontation. They also use it to show consideration. So the question arises, how do they solve problems if everything is treated with this "it doesn't matter" attitude? (From what I hear) They approach problem solving problem with a sense of diplomacy, tact and compromise. Bottom line, nobody should lose face. As a Westerner coming from a fast-paced, instant gratification society (and especially so coming from urban living in Chicago) my perception of "mai pen rai" is that nothing is getting done, or it's taking entirely too long to do it.

I have already experienced this delayed response shortly after our arrival. Our AC in the bedroom wasn't getting cool. We showed this to our landlady (after she came 2 hours late) then her husband had to check it out...they arranged for someone to come the next morning to look at it...he checked it out and told them to call someone else, he couldn't fix it...finally the right person arrived at the house, essentially it took about 7 people looking at the AC to find the right person to do the job. But mai pen rai, it's ok!

So for me, when I hear mai pen rai, I need to remember it doesn't mean it's forgotten, it just means don't worry about it right now, it'll get taken care of, just not right now.

The word Jai also resonated with me, it means heart. Here are a few phrases they taught us using this word, Jai:

Jai yen yen=serenity, cool your heart or calm down.

Nam Jai=generosity, water of the heart, as in offering help or objects to others, and

Kreng Jai=harmony, as if you don't want to impose on someone

I can't really think of any phrases in English that have quite the same meaning as the three above, that are centered around how you feel in your heart. This is going to be quite a learning experience!

Language Class

Day before yesterday I attended my first Thai language class. Spent the bulk of it reviewing basic greetings, a few core linguistic principles, and learning the names of fruits. While that doesn't sound like a lot of material, it was still kind of overwhelming. I've been all over the world, and have never encountered a language quite like this one. Although a friend yesterday pointed out that Thai has its roots in Sanskrit, and should be easy to learn for anyone familiar with Bengali, Hindi, or Urdu, I can't say that my crusty, street-level knowledge of Bengali is making Thai seem any easier...

I've owned a copy of "Practical Thai" for 9 years, since my first visit to Bangkok, and in my subsequent two trips I haven't progressed much beyond basic greetings and haggling for goods while shopping. This is not easy to learn, because it has no vocabulary overlap or root similarities to the romance languages or English, the sentence structure seems quite different from anything I'm familiar with, and because so much of it seems to be tonal in nature. In our class, the teacher spelled out the words in English, then used arrow signs to point out that Thai has rising tones, falling tones, and accents that change the meaning of each word. I've never seen anything quite like it. This is going to be quite a process, and hopefully in a few months I'll have enough competence to be functional in conversation with the good folks here. Dare to dream...
I did find it fascinating that verbs in Thai are not conjugated in a dozen different tenses to convey when something occurred. Instead, you use the present tense, and add the words that mean "already" or "will" to indicate when things will happen in time. That would seem to indicate this language is much more rooted in the present moment than, say, English, with its preponderance of ways to indicate the past and future. There's some profound insight in there somewhere about the Thai perception of time, but I can't quite put my finger on it yet. More lessons will hopefully illuminate more meaning, and shed more light on these wonderful new people I'm lucky enough to call neighbors.

Waterlogged & Homesick

Woke up this morning hoping the waters had receded... Cracked an eye open and took the hyper puppy out to the yard and realized if anything, the surprising brown river at our front gate had risen overnight. Hauled the puppy back upstairs and retreated beneath the covers for a few precious minutes, but not before a few pangs of homesickness swept over me. I knew this would come eventually, this longing for the soft familiar comforts of Chicago, but it wasn't supposed to hit this soon. In fact, if it wasn't for the flooded streets out here, it might not have surfaced for months...

But there it is. It's the smell that brought it on. Anyone who has ever spent any time in Asia will tell you that in the warm season, in the less developed areas of tropical countries, there's a certain odor you'll sometimes encounter. Jerry Seinfeld, in the famous "Betrayal" episode where George & Elaine go to India for a wedding, is asked by George upon their arrival, "what's that smell?" Jerry takes a whiff and responds nonchalantly, "I think it's the stench of death." Those of us who travel know what he's talking about. It's the redolent smell of trash and shit cooking in lower latitude sunshine, that wafts out of open gutters and the occasional fly-blown heap of refuse. You find it in pockets, usually, and dismiss it the way everyone does on their way somewhere else. It can't be helped. The problem with how I'm feeling now is there's a river of stagnant standing water at my front gates that reeks of the same odor. It's one thing to encounter this smell on occasion while passing by, it's another when you have to physically wade through it to leave your own home. We've been knee-deep in this murky brown liquid for two days, and it's grating on me. You might manage to avoid thinking about what's in the water as you wheel open the front gate and splash a few hundred yards out to freedom, but the smell stays with you, filling your nostrils, and you can feel it on your skin long after the residue has dried... This was not what we signed up for...

But then again, I spent 6 years in Bangladesh, where the flooding is much worse. Thing is, I never had to wade through it to get out of my front door, so this experience feels novel. I've seen pictures of this kind of flooding every summer, though, not only in Asia, but most recently in Memphis, TN, and all over the southern USA, and of course from those horrible images of New Orleans following Hurricane Katrina. The specter of our house filling with stagnant water, though, is a lot more immediate than anything I've ever seen on the news, and it's illuminating because of the reactions it's bringing up in me. They say the water will go down in a few days. I believe that, and I know we'll be fine here. Thing is, the scent will remain, filling the crevices of my memory... I just wish, quite selfishly, as it turns out, that this wasn't happening just as we're trying to make a home here. But the best travelers adapt. And that's what me and Becky do best... And to put things in perspective, there are a lot of other people here who are a lot worse off, who own property and homes that are filled with water, where with us, it's only lapping at our front yard. I guess that brings home the old adage, that's a good reminder to always keep in your mind: "there but for the grace of God go I..."